Remind me to tell you the Scottish bar story tomorrow
Remind me to tell you it was a shitty story when you're done telling it tomorrow
Goodbye hot boy in my geo class...goodbye my lover, goodbye my friend. you have been the one, you have been the reason I came to claassss
Def ran into my elementary school babysitter at the grocery store. Still hot. And she complimented my beer choice. It feels good to still have her approval
Just got Netflix. Dexter Marathon. Still in my PJ's. Only eaten cookie dough and drinking a 40. I have never reeked so strongly of lonely .
i bought another $5 worth of vodka. with change. i look like a homeless alcoholic. i need your dino cups or else i'll be forced to make a giant jello bowl shot
I researched the whole pregnancy breast feeding with piercings. I think you dont have to worry about the trifecta milk spraying thing.
I don't care how old I am, if it's your 21st birthday I'm going to make out with you.
Maid of honor is brides sister and single. Likes lemondrops. You're welcome.
On a lighter note, the guy I gave a lap dance to then fell asleep on his crotch just facebook friend requested me..
You see it tends to piss fathers off when they find their daughter in the arms of a shirtless guy that neither he nor his daughter knows.
I'm at a restaurant. I am NOT about to discuss my asshole over the phone.
Last night was so embarrassing. I got like almost blackout drunk and threw up in my hand and then blamed it on someone else.
I should probably stop opening conversations with 'guess who's horny'.
What happened?
New Orleans
Every time
He asked if I had any questions. Apparently, "how thick is the stick up your ass" was not a correct question.
Randomize
