You were partners with her mom and you began calling her "the Robert Horry of beer pong" You also kept telling her that she was hotter than her daughter.
ugh, today is just one of those 'get high before your 8am class' days.
and i looked up. we had an audience...
I just saw a kid drop his lollipop on the floor of best buy, kick it because he was pissed off and then pick it up and eat it. I think I have a long lost son.
there is just no excuse for touching your mothers vagina.
I need to get skinnier so that I know when pregnancy scares are real...
I gotta bail on the cookout tonight. Im at the er getting stitches. Re-enacting porno went horribly wrong.
New plan for Halloween: you dress as Waldo, I'll dress as Carmen San Diego. We can just hide in a closet drinking till someone finds us.
I feel like I just gave a blowjob to a freight train.
I woke up in a sink... Not like curled up on top of it though. I was standing, bent over, face first. IN THE DAMN SINK.
I have 39 hot sauces from Chipotle
It's like earning obesity badges
If he cant deal with my insomnia and sex drive I really feel sorry for his child and ex fiance. Adulthood breakups are depressing.
Oh you know just explaining sexual consent to a drunk 80 year old man. How is this my life?
She has no problem going ass to mouth, but won't eat the pizza crust. I don't get it.
He's my favorite late night booty call. He lives next to a Wendy's.
Randomize
