chick im bringing home just asked our cab driver if she could do a line off his turban. i think im in love - or trouble.
Okay you're seriously so fucking annoying its like having a baby
the best job he will get is a sex ed teacher in alabama
im just gonna turn drinking alone on new years into a tradition
we just did breakfast shots, I have a black eye and savage garden is on . Best weekend ever
Is there anything medically wrong with drinking beer from a vagina?
How did the beer even get there in the first place?
That's not what's important right now
Cumming on a girls face is guy code for you're not wife material.
I got concerned once i realized you weren't there to hear us having sex. See I do worry about you.
CORAL IS FAR MORE RED THAN HER LIPS RED
Oh god you're Sonnet 130 drunk, aren't you.
It's really not cool dreaming about going into labor with your ex boyfriends love child as you're sleeping next to him.
I don't know man, I have to ask my girlfriend if I can borrow my balls from her purse.
What's worse having drunken sex with hot married man or breaking the diet one week in?
Just ate 2 pieces of pizza in the shower.. New low or fuckin brilliant??
Do you remember punching the light out in the bathroom? I didn't, and that was at bar 2 of 4…
Can I borrow your pants?
WTH?
Just come to the men’s room and help me. The blonde bartender figured out I’m married. Rachel will definitely notice if come home pantsless
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