Is there a nice way of saying 'touch my penis or i dont really wanna hangout"?
I wish Facebook had filters like: Ivy League school, frat boy, straight, extremely wealthy, great in bed.. I would check all of them
Being college poor has reached a new low. I am giving up on masturbating so i can save money on toilet paper
how can i incorporate a boy scout uniform into what i do tonight?
i was taking a dump when this random girl ran in, puked all over my lap, then passed out on the floor
did you bang her?
seriously?
He considered it romantic when he told me mid-blow job that no matter what happens, he will "never forget how good of a dick I suck". Verbatim.
At what point in your drunken state would you actually believe that the cops wanted to party with you?
And he was super vague about his life, it was frustrating. I totally boned a homeless guy, didn't I?
we didn't have anything to do and wanted to get our money's worth out of our costumes, so if you see two mermaids day drinking by the creek it's us
I know how to make vodka btw in case you want to come over and do a science project
If magic marker is safe for kids, it should be safe for cats...right?
Blood work from physical was all good, apparently heavy alcohol use agrees with me
His phone started ringing when we were pulled over and he said 'hold on, this is most likely more important than you', proceeded to answer it and agree to work sunday, then hung up, looked at the cop and told him to continue.
Legit hope my Trump humping Brother dies of this shit so I can stop pretending to still love him.
For the love of all that is holy just take the tranquilizers Erica
Randomize
