just threw up into the cup of Gatorade I was hoping would settle my stomach. thanks again, alcohol.
so apparently telling her she could shit easier and therefore lose weight faster wasn't the best arguement for getting anal.
We've been fucking since Friday.... This is the most committed non-committed relationship I've ever been in
I miss old school porno. There just isn't any love in porn these days.
Just found the bucket list I wrote when I was high...somehow I dont think "jello swimming pool" is gonna happen.
First drunken handjob: not successful. Second handjob, mostly sober: much better. Nightly news brought to you by me.
just letting you know that jen either: wasn't feeling well and ate grass to make herself throw up or threw up because she's stupid and ate grass
I decided I'm going to give him a celebratory fuck for his accomplishments. Knocked on his door, handed him some condoms and said "I'll be over tonight with sex and booze"
I want to be you.
He drunk dialed me at 2am asking if he could put a baby in me.
I feel you. We can get adjoining rooms. It'll be like Disney world, but with drugs and ivs instead of roller coasters and Mickey Mouse.
Which is way cooler
Almost caused a huge accident on the highway because I was distracted by how orange the road barrels were
You started crawling towards a moving train. Maybe you should take it easy next time
The perfect man would keep a whisky sour in my hand and give me endless sex. I really don't think that's too much to ask for.
She had a toddler. It threw up and then some guy said party foul and put it on the porch. Going back next Friday.
There's so many drinking games in the Olympics.
you missed out this chick was licking her paddle
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