And my fence, why is part of it on the roof?
there are certain things about getting into a cab to go home at 630 am that make me feel like a prostitute.
Who's got a bloodstream full of margaritas by 2pm? Not you, that's for sure, because you've got one of those "real" jobs.
Im trying to find an appropriate gift to your mom for getting both you and your sister on birth control within a week, any suggestions?
youre always welcome to strip dance on tables with me Mag. what are friends for.
Turns out lunch break sex with someone you cant stand being around for any amount of time just makes you wish you had gone to get tacos like you originally planed.
it's just not right when you're boyfriend has a nicer ass than you do.
I haven't been that free with the boobs since I was 19. I'm putting them away for a while.
If you insist
The one guy literally flopped my boob out. Yes I insist.
I have invented a new game to play on campus. It's called "Mormons or Pledges?" It's fantastic.
do you think eating a burger while having sex counts as multitasking skills?
PEOPLE ARE STILL EATING FAJITAS IN DROVES. BY THE CASELOAD. THERES A FORKLIFT OF SIZZLING MEATS.
Its like the floor is slow but life is fast?
I see you found the nyquil...
You ghosted you're own booty call. Wow what a sad sad man.
Great, now I'm picturing myself as a fucking garden gnome
I’ll call you later. There’s a jilted trophy wife looking for a revenge fuck at my door
Randomize
