My key broke off while I was turning the key. I can't pull the broken key out. Not only am i locked outside, so is the rest of the building.
So ignoring my calls doesnt work if you update your facebook a minute later.
Luol and I just scored with two 40 year old married chicks. They dropped us off on the way to soccer prctic. The kids in the back were confused. Call me.
the new roommate knocked on my door this morning holding a bong in one hand and my dennys leftovers from last night in the other. love this kid. Best student housing placement ever.
Had her hockey skates on in the house. Whole floor is ruined.
I feel like now would be a good time to apologize for vomiting in your eye
It can't be good... The last recollection I have is singing lullabys to his penis
I came so hard that my back seriously popped like 5 times.
I am getting drunk. And i'm going to paint my face and slide down the stairs like Pochahontas. Goodbye
shes on the ground doing bicycle kicks screaming "is my ass good enough for you now satan" send help
Some old bald man is a 100,000 dollar Audi sports car just revved his engine at me and held out his phone at me trying to get my number. I hate the valley.
But like now I know, men who are vegetarians are significantly worse in bed.
When he was leaving this morning he said I'll text you later on and I replied with if you don't that's cool too.
Just packed a snack to eat on the way to McDonald's. That stoned.
I got eaten out in the igloo at snow-kings castle last night.My thighs were literally melting ruts in the ice bench.Definitely colder than the minus 40 blowjob at Desiree's wedding
Randomize
