My wife says its no good to have oral sex during pregnancy. So i guess pregnancy is like regular life.
I'm telling lies about you to make you look like a good person
I'm so cold I just used my boobs to keep my face warm
she stopped mid-blowjob to explain how to acheive the haircut shown in the movie
A burger king employee called me from your phone while you were on their bathroom floorl. Hope ur not in jail....4 realz
I never thought that it would get to the point where I would have to specify that by "hang out" I meant "fuck like rabbits." Growing up shouldn't be this way.
Found your counterpart from cali. Walked into the bar we were in with milk and a donut, ordered a beer and said anything his group wanted was on his tab....dangerous
Now I can't unsee my hot boss's under-boobs. Monday will be awkward.
Pics or STFU
My aunt comes over, haven't seen her in 4 years. First thing, looks me up and down and goes "...yup, that pair ripened nicely. Theyll get you some free drinks"
I think you were raised by the wrong sister
I have what looks like a rubber stamp mark on my cock from last night that says "Magic Marla Approved" Do we know a Marla?
He is currently in a meeting and I am sexting him in Italian
And he's using Google translate to reply. Who says cross country relationships can't be fun?
this night just went from meh to biblical thanks to drunk naked yahtzee
I've only fucked to 2 Fleetwood Mac songs, that must be why my life feels so empty.
I planned out my poor life choices for the weekend.
Have you ever woken up and said a thank you prayer to the beer gods for allowing you to wake up in the morning and still have the ability to walk and talk? Because we should.
Randomize
