I can hear the grilled cheese talking to me. "Let me in there!" they wanna get inside me
Alright folks.. i have made history - I just hit my 2nd PARKED car SOBER withing 6 months.. :*( wtf?!
I thought he was gonna sex me but then he ran to my bathroom and jerked off
im pretty sure one of the guys i was dancing with at graffiti wrote on my back "you rock". now feel like a danced with a 5 year old.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
so whats your words to drink to for the state of the union? mine are 'change' 'fight' and 'you know'.
mine is 'the'.
He asked me if I could call his penis destroyer... Uhh SOS.
He left his own bachelor party to bring me weed. Then smoked with me. Tell me I'm not his favorite-ex-friends-with-benefits.
Listen, everyone has a price and mine is free taco bell.
Woke up in an unfamiliar pair of underwear, running shoes but no socks, and a cowboy hat. Thank you crown royal
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just heard the words 'Pussy Riot' on NPR...I almost crashed my car.
Im having a st. Get way fucked till i speak Irish pre game party. Bring a compass cause we are about to get lost
Last year I got a dildo in the mail on my birthday. Today it was just a credit card bill. Sadface.
we're having rib night followed by a cultural enlightenment party
whats a cultural enlightenment party
we eat nachos and drink margaritas and tequila till we pass out
You showed up at 4 am holding a beer and wearing a wig you apparently found in the dumpster.
That explains some things...
It's officially "let him eat me out in a sundress with no panties" season. Needless to say the first date was a success.
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