you just broke rule number 1. If you can't lift her up don't date her
Hemmingway ran to paris to avoid going to the university of illinois and becoming a doctor. It was there he developed a drinking problem. I need a plane ticket.
halloween makes it hard to decipher real cops... from sexy men dressed up as them.
i just looked at the calendar to see when spring break is and literally stopped eating
I'm in the line at the airport trying not to vomit on the person in front of me. Happy Tuesday.
its not that she doesnt like having sex with you, your balls just smell worst then your ass.
I just spewed blue gatorade in the shower. It looked like the ocean.
Being thankful with your family is one thing. Being thankful with your friends while getting drunk and smoking bowls while eating leftovers, priceless.
Will you please bring your dog over today? Apparently I was drunkenly cooking last night. There's food everywhere. I'm too hungover to clean.
If I have to go to the hospital, at least put my pants back on. It's been a fantastic night.
Try explaining "the nature of your relationship" to a cop when your fuck buddy vandalized your car. Priceless.
I'm tryin a pb and onion sandwich now
Please smoke with me until I agree that sounds like a good idea
Let's get matching tattoos, something that resembles our friendship
A tequila worm?
He ended up buying the equivalent of dinner at a Mexican place, in weed
Too stoned. Randomly can't get the image of Emilio estevez's smiling face out of my head. What is life.
Randomize
