My ass is singing 4 different tunes right about now... Taco Bell was a bad idea!
Your vagina is a self cleaning oven.
i was just lookin through my fb pics and i think im with a cat in like 40% of them..: how sad is my life
The girl here has a popped collar. Can I slap her?
Yes. For all mankind please do.
we screwed to my bar mtzvah tape, I became a man while watching myself becom a man
dont you remember the bouncer yelling at you while you were trying to piss?
no. why was the bouncer in the bathroom?
he wasn't. neither were you.
I think any school that has COCKS written on it's baseball hats has their priorities straight.
why didn't you tell me his penis tasted like oreos?
What was she thinking? I'm not in the business of charity fucks anymore.
She kept saying how cute and adorable I was. I felt like a care bear getting a blowjob
foreskin is a definite game changer
You put your finger on my lips and told me 'the butt is nature's pocket'.
I don't remember that at all, but I stand by what I said
Well you were already wet from trying to drink straight from the faucet, so I just put you in the bathtub with a pillow and called it a night
And to celebrate the raising of our lord I just purchased a bunny buttplug. Am I doing this Easter thing right?
When we found you, you were half crying/half singing Taylor swift songs at 2am in the bathroom, and occasionally puking. I think I get "friend of the year" award just for putting up with your drunk ass all night.
Randomize
