is your mom at the bar?
I was to big spoon the shit out of you right now
I'm so hungover and dru,k
I was rubbing the clit just like wikipedia told me to.
I've heard semen is good for your skin though, so that pimple on my chin should clear right up.
Apparently I signed "I love you" on my bar tab last night.
im trying to pick out the cookie crumbs from my adderall. it is a lot harder than it seems.
I woke up at 5 this morning face down on my bed with gummy bears stuffed in my leggings. Yeah.
I can't wait to see you, I've been doing mouth stretches for the past 2 days
Nothing says I have a hang over like telling your boss to "eat your shit"
if the best thing you can say about him is "he probably wont kill me" you may want to rethink hanging out with him
I'm not gonna lie; I was dosed with mushrooms and am eating pickles with a guy in all white. It's weird, but I'm down. Help.
Dick sucking on arrival? or would you like to cash that in later?
I just woke up to a ten minute voicemail of you sobbing about the X-Men. Stop getting drunk and watching Marvel movies.
BUT WOLVERINE IS SO TORMENTED AND JUST WANTS TO BE LOVED
You are allergic to dogs. DO NOT kidnap something you are allergic to. No matter how fluffy.
Of fucking course I get my period on Valentine's Day...
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