That guy over there looks like a cartoon/action figure.
omg, i know.
we're too high.
he's chasing his jose cuervo with hot tub water
Worst part was I had to fart super bad and didn't want to ruin the room so I farted in a pillow and threw it under the bed.
It was ok at first, but now im getting freaked out by him jerking off to me doing yoga
i was on the fence about his sexual orientation until he referred to his marlboro loghts as "carrie bradshaws"
Yessssssssss. I got taped to a couch last night apparently. I also thought i was close to scoring after talking to some chick about hard boiled eggs
So my bf wanted to cum on my face and I let him. Afterwards I wiped some off, wiped it across his forehead and said, "The king has returned".
We told you to go get more fire wood and you came running back with a log that was on fire, not drunk at all.
At the bar, some guy bumped into you and you screamed "hey, don't touch what you can't afford sunshine!"
I just broke a sweat masturbating on a Friday night. I may need a boyfriend.
Did you actually just quote Ace Ventura during a sext!?
You know it
Dammit now I have to marry you
You told his date she had the tits to be a stripper and the personality to be the pole. Of course he's pissed off.
We power houred with shots of red wine. Somehow we ended up with 7 bottles and lost Chris. Trying to find him this hungover is proving very unsuccessful.
i think she learned that just cuz half shots were easier, doesnt mean she can have triple as many.
Not going to make it tonight. Some cougar at the bar just told me she has dibs on my dick.
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