Wow, your whole life is a joke regardless of the fact that its april fools day
his ringtone is the jonas brothers. get me the fuck out of here NOW.
i just broke my key off in the door of my house because the engine wasnt starting
Why did I wake up this morning with 10 tally marks on my hand and a penis drawn on my tits?
You litterally reached into some girls shirt, pulled out her tit and yelled whats up with this guy.
My goal for this summer is to make enough extra money to be able to afford the ticket for water skiing naked.
Bright side: maybe hell start being nice to you now that you know he has erectile dysfunction.
Update... last night a man tried to bite my ear. I think he swallowed my pearl earring.
Sidenote: do you recall your "give me the d" chant
I woke up in a toga after going to a Hawaiian party. I don't even know.
I took a sleeping pill while he was in the bathroom. Time for a game of how long can we bang before I fall asleep.
You are both horrible and amazing
My ass is underappreciated
I just found those cheese sticks in my purse. Along with a handful of confetti.
do you think mom is upset that i left with the stripper from her bachelorette party last night?
I just gave my boss a blowjob. underneath his desk at work. that promotion is mine!
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