I'm saving my limes so I'll know how many drinks I've had.
I do the same thing, but I use ice cubes.
i think i will get a tattoo on my butt that says "im not bluffin with my muffin", but i guess if i was serious, i would get it above my c-section scar
I finally got laid.. you said it wouldn't happen.
Just wanted to make sure that my favorite hot mess is still alive. I dont need words, just a response of any sort. K hope youre living
bhystjhitsjhtiajielrfrhaug
This is sufficient.
I get a nice feeling when i open my fridge and see it filled with thirty beers and half a leftover jimmy johns pickle.
You tipped the bathroom lady $20 and then yelled "IT'S YOUR LUCKY DAAAAAAAY" at her.
Half my make-up was stuck to his thigh where I'd fallen asleep after the blowjob.
I hope the dean has a raincoat on because I'm prolly gonna throw up on him when I get my degree
He's so young, I keep getting a mental image of him in footie pajamas. It's cute but it's wrong. Or is it?
I am too hungover to address any of this right now, every time i move it feels like i'm being bitch slapped by the hand of God
How much is that going to cost?
A lot of beer.
Im going to make a sandwich and see if my books came from amazon. I cant believe two years ago i was dating eight guys and teaching russian exchange students how to do shots.
And I don't know if this is really ESP, or just a crazy feeling, but I'm pretty sure he has an std. Or at least a cold.
you're right. a strip only looks good in porn . mine just looks like a fucked up mullet
I just can't do Wednesdays sober anymore
Randomize
