FYI don't ever, ever get a lap dance from a stripper who says " she's having a bad day " at a bachelor party.
260 beers this month. I need a new hobby.
Jessi just used the excuse "it's not you it's me" to get out of getting a lap dance.
These pubs in Ireland act like hand jobs aren't the universal currency
Just woke up from a dream where you lived in a gingerbread house on a snowy cliff by the sea. The dolphins were swimming away from a giant dust storm. You REALLY ought to smoke this before bed tonight.
Haha yeah this costume is worse than I imagined. I look more like a gothic hooker who caters specifically to creepy men with doll fetishes
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
I just got head while watching air force one. Harrison ford would be proud.
They're frat boys at heart and have sickly, dusty, rotting souls.
We had sex on roll out bean bag chair, and then proceeded to sleep with a blanket with dolphins on it. Happy birthday to me.
Burritos, beer, and hot tub sex. Merry Christmas to me.
So, Cheetos don't microwave great.
I would just like to say that I was the one who said that we should find scissors, when they were cutting your hair with a kitchen knife. I am responsible.
I still feel bad for it, even though I technically only videotaped it and helped will to distract the questioning neighbor
THERE ARE LEGITLY 4 SEPARATE BITE MARKS ON MY DICK. WHAT. THE. FUCK.
Legitimately*
Go fuck yourself
i keep smelling vagina and donuts, which pretty much sumarises this morning. happy birthday.
Randomize
