I am so stoned and my professor is handing out candy. I love Halloween.
Ya I guess he's not a bad roommate. I mean if he wasn't here I would probably be more lazy and pee in bottles and stuff.
IF CHARLIE SCHEEN CAN DO IT I CAN DO IT IM A PROFESSONAL
Sign she's a keeper: "I would rather be late to brunch than waste a perfectly good boner."
well... I just junk punched a carnie. Doesnt matter how, it still counts for my bucket list.
We'll just play it by vagina and see where it leads us
Also, I would just like to reiterate my apologies for tearing up in the grocery store.
Some toppless girl just walked past me in the hall and gave me half a carton of smokes. I have never been more aroused.
I woke up with a meat pie in my hand and my mouth tasting like an ashtray. I'm a catch, really!
I have the overwhelming need to take care of him. Both with my vagina and like emotionally.
He just brought a live lobster to the party.
Did he at least walk u home
He offered. I dont like that shit. I want his dick not his presence on my walk home
I think the cop who arrested me yesterday is at my gym rn should I say hi
my downstairs neighbor came by to say he’s having a huge loud party tomorrow, handed me a toblerone bar, and said thank you in advance for your understanding
You did what with his pubic hair?
Randomize
