Got separated, got a half bj, got dropped off in random part of the city, don't tell anyone
Ever since I discovered that youporn works on blackberry, my brickbreaker skills have gone to shit
Besides, I'm not in my 30's. I'm still allowed to drink wine from a bag.
just tried to puke while my RA was trying to puke in the stall next to me.bonded for life
There is an empty space on my boobs where glow paint should be.
Good morning sunshine. Care to hear the riveting tale of Michelle and the Almost Great Night That Ended In An Early Morning of Karma Emptying It's Bowels On Her Guilty Shoulders?
I fully committed to my astronaut costume, to say the least. blacking out on moonshine and having a moonwalk of shame this morning: happy Halloweekend.
Mom just sent me an email. The subject line is "How to avoid a urinary tract infection"
LET IT GO MOM
My old dealer would be proud of the drug cocktail I just took for my back pain.
I just fell down my stairs, guess that's how my sunday is gonna go
Checking my Tinder matches as I sit here in the waiting room at Planned Parenthood. I can't be stopped.
Recliner chair sex has moments of worry....just don't.
Your penis caused this!
Not only did I sleep with the guy but I think I may have called my work and quit to go work for him.
I just found an old slice of LIME in my wallet?????????
Randomize
