I met a girl last nite that charged by the inch. i didnt have enough money but i figured shed be a good deal for u
I never thought that I'd ever use the phrase "and the resulting ice cream explosion" seriously at work...
I can no longer count the number of girls I've banged on my fingers and toes. It's like being born again.
If it wasn't obvious enough to the cops that she was drunk, she threw in, "I like the colors of the lights because it makes purple."
I knew I fucked up when I woke up with the meat scissors in my hand.
Just had a brita power hour to try to counter act all the wine i chugged last night.....fucking franzia
This is your typical drubkba Amy test. Shout out to jisus for auto correct
You'd be amazed at how difficult it is to find pics of the helicopter dick
I am very proud of your internet skills
Drunk texting with my high school teacher. This hurricane is bringing out the best in everyone!
And apparently I was the one that started the drunken make out session that broke the window
Where are you? We're in between the guy dressed as a giant inflatable penis and the Justin Bieber lookalike lesbians
Does the penis have a genital wart?
Sext me about skeletons
I haven't been single on my birthday for 7 years. If you don't get me laid tonight, your best friend/wing woman status will be revoked.
I just lived through a real life episode of jersey shore.
I wasn't talking about him I meant his penis! Its not a pet
Oh. Well it should be. I like petting it.
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