does my mom think that having an ed hardy lighter is going to get her laid?
Someone just uploaded pictures on facebook of you making out with random girls. I'm telling you because I'm assuming you don't remember anything, but the 236 pictures in the album should give you a good clue.
I was just "that girl you seen blowing some dude outside when you drove by"
She actually pushed her roomie out of the way and said 'You already fucked him it's my turn!'
We found her on the trampoline. She told us she was jumping so she could puke & rally. I think I want to marry her.
Smoked all day yesterday and even more today. Just survived high dinner with mom and sister. Thought I might eat the whole table
Nah. And this is true. It's like you were trained by sexual Jedi or something.
*jedi wave* this is the penis you were looking for
we got her to the bathroom intime. all she could say was 'now my bladder is empty just like my soul'
ok now I feel liek a very drunk human instead of a chaos being thanks water
I've had more lap dances than hrs of sleep since Thursday, this is why you're planning all three of my bachelor parties
Bouncer came into the bathrooms to tell us the old one-person-per-stall rule, realised it was two girls banging, and left us to it. Lesbiperks.
I caught myself caressing my own hand while nurturing a glass of bourbon. I think it's time to get back out there.
When I type "sleep" my phone suggests "with Trevor". My phones an asshole.
Just had to tell a NYC cop I was doing the Dougie in a houndstooth jumper so he could find me in the security video.
He woke me with blue berry pancakes and a blow job. He's a keeper.
Randomize
