Well. Nothing came of that. And to think I manscaped and dusted with gold bond.
I am one bad relationship away from having 30 cats.
jersey shore has given me a vivid depiction of what things will be like for me once i get to hell
Just saw some guy puking out of the dorm window, its for sure monday
That last minute feeling of hesitation on whether I should bring my health card to the bar usually means I'm in for a good night.
he busted into the room with single cheese slices and started yelling "THROW SOME CHEESE ON THAT BITCH"
I'm alittle affraid you might be dead, seeing how your work party is in an hour and you haven't answered me? I mean I'm picturing you 1. Passed out in your car covered in fries or 2. On a boat in a box to Mexico covered in coke. Please let it be number 1. And aren't we going to your work party?
Say whatever you bloody well like; you don't know the true meaning of life until you have smoked to a Sade cd.
it was her dad's 50th birthday kegger. Within the first 5 minutes I got punched in the ear from an off-duty cop and smoked a joint the size of my vibrator.
oh yeah, and she got boxed-out by said cop. Then her dad turned around and high-fived him for it
The Royals are in the World Series. I've never drank so much in one week in my life.
is it too soon to tell him I'm available anytime for Christmas themed pity sex and I'll even wear a Santa hat?
I solemnly swear to help bail you out of jail when you throw a dildo at a politician.
You know more about his cock specs than his childhood. Proud of you
Facebook just reminded me of the time I found two IHop cheese sticks in my hand bag. Those were the days.
I can handle him. I'm made of spite and hot wings.
Randomize
