Oww! U thought rug burn was bad! Fuckin carseat burn hurts like a mother!!!
Wtf?
Use the slutty part of ur brain.
watching a tv show about cocaine.. just explained to my mom why the test monkey chose coke over food
I decided it would be a good time to smoke on one of my deliveries but then I got the munchies and ate a piece of the pizza I was freaking out so I told him it was our new pacman pizza
saw you walking with that piece of shit
and that piece of shit just read that
I feel like I'm one of those people who someone looks at and thinks "how did she get into this college"
he just kept repeating that I have nice areolas
Bro, I just want to tell you that I'm glad you got fired. I'm going to fuck your replacement.
FYI If I die in my sleep it is because I drank a bottle of coke from 1986. I needed a mixer
Come on. I'll make you hot pockets. Literally and sexually.
he ate me out like 4 times and told me that my vagina "was too much fun".
struggle bus is officially taking me on a road trip to hell. If this is just the first destination, I'll jump out the fucking window.
I wouldn't be too worried. He's been known to chase a chubby before.
THAT IS NOT HOW YOU TALK TO YOUR SISTER
so i EARNED it!?! i EARNED dying alone with cats!!?
Got her pregnant in a minivan. Circle of life.
He told me to grab his penis so I did and swung it around and said “awe, it looks like the wacky inflatable tube man.
Randomize
