Dude you called me last night to let me listen to you piss in a cup and drink it. Just making sure you survived
The lesbians are drunkenly meowing in the hallway again. This is the shit I'll miss at home.
I know I know. I considered playing it sober but after I typed out IS SHE A GENIE? I knew it was impossible to hide.
I dont think yelling "Grab your dicks, time for pics!" helped your case either.
but I'll probably watch some porn later so it's not a complete waste of a Saturday night.
Sitting in airport bathroom. Guy walks into toilet next to me and announces "I want to apologize to the entire airport for what I'm about to do"
I know. It's cray. Crayon. Crayolaaaaa.
Ok here's the state of the situation: We're alone in a strange city with strange people with nothing but alcohol and sprite, I think we're gonna make it.
you haven't really lived until you are in a situation where your vagina is hanging out
My vagina needs her own mother sometimes.
I know it was your bday but bringing a airhorn and blowing it yelling "buy me a fucking shot" in the bartenders face was a little uncalled for
Sorry I've been a slutty nightmare this week
You are cut off. Your giant penis and crazy awesome sex is ruining my body...
I share a birthday weekend with Easter this year, so that fucking sucks. I hate sharing...and I have to share with fucking Jesus this year.\n
Quit giving me a hard time, whens the last time you got head every night? Cougars are where its at they dont play games
Randomize
