Uggggg i want to leave and get bombed over baghdad
Good thing you didnt wake up last night. Wouldve found me naked talking to my closet asking to borrow my towel.
We had a race to see who could chug their vodka tonic faster. College doesn't seem to be working for me... I'm getting exponentially dumber
Kinda wish I banged him. I need the exercise.
He's crying and calling me out on using him. It's awful. And I'm too drunk to leave.
Itd be like fucking a waterbed thats been locked in a barn for two years.
Where in the FUCK do you get your analogies
The fool I made of myself at the Ugly Christmas Sweater party last night was surpassed this morning when I walk of shamed 6 miles at 7am with one mysterious wet leg and no pants on. I think my mom saw me and waved.
im destined to be single forever. i hope its okay if your kids come and hang out with my cats.
Just threw up in front of the Boy Scouts on my base. Welcome to the Navy kids.
It's 3 in the morning and there is a bird chirping it's head off outside. GOD DAMNIT THIS IS NOT A TIME TO SING OF YOUR CHEERFUL BIRD MERRIMENT YOU STUPID BIRD CUNT!
Just wanted to let you know it's 3am and, at this point, I believe your sister has more of my semen in her than I do. So suck on that, fuckface.
This is a mass text. I will facerape you if you bring me Fierce Melon Gatorade and 4 D batteries.
i refuse to give everyone the satisfaction of seeing the results of my acting on my thoughts
He smells like cinnamon, and what I imagine to be orgasms
you were screaming "I don't need a shirt!" repeatedly while in the process of taking it off and flashing the bouncer. we got kicked out. thanks a lot.
Randomize
