it was the worst sex ever in the history of sex. i mean ever. and he thought he was great. actually told me he was the best id ever had...what was i supposed to say? lol...i've had better times by myself. seriously.
It doesn't matter if I tell the story beginning to end or end to beginning, the story still starts with a random girl blowing me in the bathroom.
Nah the bridesmaids all had dates. I slept with the next best thing: girl who WANTED to be a bridesmaid but didnt make the cut.
Lesbians are nicde people they do not take debit cards
I was pretending that it wasn't happening. Until we had to roll down the windows as she was vomiting apologies into a Target bag.
Called Jeff last night and told him I wanted to have sex in the airport terminal. Blackout Brooke definitely came out last night.
Nope. He totaled my car then moved back to Louisiana to work things out with baby mama. I sure know how to pick em
We watched Jurassic Park and they made me drink every time they saw or named a dinosaur. Do you know how many dinosaurs live in Jurassic Park? Lots.
Sex on the scooter in the parking lot wasn't the smartest idea. Actual quote from the cop as he handed me the ticket and fist bumped me.
Why was I drunk tweeting incorrect Beyonce lyrics last night?
If I win the lottery I'm going to hire someone to skywrite "FUCKTARD" over his house. That much anger.
Today is get drunk without showing anyone my penis day
He licked the buffalo sauce off my fingers and then we had the best sex of my life.
I just destroyed that poor boy. Picked him up and put him wherever I wanted, it was like the Pride version of Elf on a Shelf.
I’m excited to finally meet my stalkee and his penis!
Randomize
