hey is it cool if i invite some fat girls to the party so i can be the skinny one?
yeah okay. but if i take one home with me you have to come over in the morning and tell her to get her shit and go.
I am stoned and watching Pocahontas. I am letting the kids eat whatever they want. I am the best babysitter in the whole wide world
got high and went straight for the Doritos. I'm some kind of walking cliche.
i am YELPING strip clubs. This is interesting.
Professor took us out for drinks. She said if I ordered the 64oz "Call a Cab," she'd give me an A. I drank it in 5 minutes. A+?
she screamed"i told you already! counter clockwise spiral and the clockwise spiral!!" right in the middle of sex
wow, i never thought dating a choreographer would be so harsh
just to let ya know we might have to take a stripper snowboardin sometime
He just ordered a bottle of Beam at an Italian place for us to share.
I could really do without pictures of your asses in my inbox. That said, I'm extremely jealous that I wasn't involved.
Guess which fraternity was just playing car to car frisbee in the McDonald's drive thru! Did you guess mine?
He never gives up. He's like the fucking little engine that could of hook ups
You told me my blanket felt like ground beef.
He snapchatted me the wine on the ceiling this morning
To the point, I hope I remember where to put my dick when I finally get laid again
You have a 50 50 chance
Getting a UTI was SO NOT on my wishlist for the holidays
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