He is such a slut. More and more my type.
It's a sad day when you realize you are no longer above fucking in movie theater bathrooms.
im vomiting on the 4th floor cause no one knows me there
Things I love twice as much when drunk: Taco Bell. Office chairs that roll. Classes.
I'm just gonna be the bigger person here and say I want you inside me
did i get hit in the head with a hammer? someone just asked me...
we bribed her with croutons and jello shots.
I think they make you graduate because you get too old to go hard and become a risk. homecoming weekend wins again. fuck.
I am at a point in my life where I don't want to brush my teeth for my tinder date because toothpaste and martinis don't mix.
Sometimes intelligent conversation doesn't mix well with a romantic interest. It's possible the two are best kept separate. Toys should just stay in the toy box.
Okay so I've been talking to the mice again and they agree with me that you're a piece of shit.
Currently doing the walk of shame out of some random girls house with my boyfriend. Talk about relationship goals.
I DIDN'T WATCH THE PILLSBURY DOUGH BOY PORN!!!!
my mom talks about my drinking like its a problem and yet this morning she fills me a solo cup with champagne for the shower.
I need a fucking roommate.
You need a fucking babysitter.
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