you were calling yourself Ulickes S. Cunt.
Sometimes, when I'm driving alone I talk to myself in a Russian accent so I think it's my mommy and it calms me down.
Just wrote a paper about alcohol abuse that sounded like my weekend...
Making the executive decision for drunk you to not sleep in the lofted bed that has no ladder
So i wrote 'don't sex me' on my stomach, so that if we got to a point where my shirt is off - he would know how i really feel, not just the alcohol talking
how did that work out?
Well, all the water washed it off, so we ended up fucking since i didn't have my reminder...
He tried to say "god bless your heart" to the stripper but it came out "god bless your pussy"
His roomates just started party boying me. He stood there with the look of horror on his face.
Best part: she drunkenly told me I'm dangerous then slurred to my parents that I should watch out in case I fall in love with her. Then she mounted a pinata
Got a blowie from her in the cab on the way home. Made awkward eye contact with the cabbie who said, and I quote "Keep the mess in her mouth bro", I did so only out of respect
And then you proceeded to sneak behind thee bar and hold up an empty bottle of vodka and scream LOOK WHO THE BARTENDER IS NOW BITCH!
When theres a zombie apocalypse, i will be the only fat survivor. I ate chef boyardi ravioli with part of a pen for a fork
Im currently watching two girls making out. In the library. Hope your studying is going as good as mine is. Haha
Yeah I remember doing the worm in my moms room. While she's yelling at me and I'm making seagull nooises
can we take a moment to remember my theory on 'your tongue is a snake that lives in your mouth' because we reached a whole new level of high
I'm putting my hangover kit in my car for the trip to work tomorrow morning. Dedication
Randomize
