just realized i've hooked up with 3/4 of the guys here COOL
I found the seven page love letter I had written you. I'm sorry i was so obsessed.
I don't know what kind of drugs you were on last night but you kept trying to highlight my face because you said I was important
strippers are much less mysterious after you sleep with them
Why are you covered in frosting?
Friend's birthday situation turned into enlightened cake orgy.
I've been meaning to ask you. The first night in the city did we do key bumps with a suicidal homeless man? My memory is fuzzy
Our new roommate is sitting in the living room wearing a snuggie and clutching a handle of burnett's mixed with what appears to be crystal light and sobbing over a documentary about a dead race horse.
I know. Isn't she utterly fantastic?
i'd say i'm about at weeping-uncontrollably-in-a-puddle-of-my-own-tears-and-urine level
They switched jackets and you didn't notice. You made out with both of them and had no idea
He accidentally opened the car door during sex and all the lights came on. Needless to say, that kid passing by who was walking his dog got scarred for life.
Also you know what's irritating? When the guy you're sleeping with refuses to like any of your Instagram posts
Went to bed in my room fully clothed, woke up naked in the kitchen with the dog looking unamused.
The usual, icing my vag with a chimichanga.
So drunk me is not subtlety trying to get her boss to cheat on her husband and have a lesbian affair with me. Sober me is ok with that.
He wanted me to do the rubix cube. He thought it was hot.
Randomize
