He is drunkenly eating my teddy grahms and making little growling noises as he bites the head off of each one.
Our adventure is going to pick up his pipe and weed that he ditched when he got pulled over the other day.
HOT DATE.
He's warming up to shark week, by only eating fish and drinking vodka, and all the time he keeps yelling "death to the seals!"
well i just had my first "when i graduated college she was 12" morning
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Come find me please? Im in a ditch.
That doesn't help me much...
I'm right under the moon!
Stole every fake plant from the lobby and placed it in front of you're apartment door, Enjoy!
at what point last night did i decided to have a photo shoot with your camel toe
its 4am. im standing over him in my bed eating chinese food, on the phone with dan trying to convince him to break up with his gf. whoredom.
Then you better bring Starbucks and a box of condoms in the morning.
Oh shit. This is getting real.
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When he was going down on me I referred to him as "Lord Snow" and HE GOT IT. HE GOT THE GAME OF THRONES REFERENCE. I AM IN LOVE
If you bring home Chipotle tonight I'll give you an epic bj...ball play and all #datenight
By far the fardest thing to do drunk is open a band aid
while on the topic of showers...why is there apple juice in our bathtub?
He went down on me for like 30 min and honestly half the time I thought about those videos where people can smash watermelons with their legs and I just wanted to do that to his skull
So, I'm roughly 90% sure that the guy next to me in the xray waiting room is watching porn on his phone right now
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