you win again, gameday.
I just had teddy grams, ritz crackers, and twizzlers for dinner. Hello, end of the semester.
I'm telling everyone at work the mark on my neck is a hickey but really I was taking a shit while straightening my hair and burned myself
Awkward moment #23: reasuring mom that the bf and I aren't having sex as seamen is running down my leg...
he fucked my hip out of place.
Mystery solved: The table is broken because I had sex on it last night.
I was trying to get everyone to go to the bar but I puked on my hands, so nobody took me seriously.
Bless her heart. Her stupid, drunk, adderall-ed heart.
I woke up and found piles of popcorn in a trail around my house, ending at a laundry basket full of pillows. What were we trying to catch last night?
ok, i suppose pissing your pants could be considered a wardrobe malfunction.
Pretty good. They took the stitches out but it still hurts like a bitch. The doctor says I should be off crutches by next week.
Well, that's good. Let's hope drunk you doesn't sabotage you.
Giiiirl. Just had a BM that almost killed me.
"Being an adult" and "being happy" are two circles that do not overlap in my Venn diagram of life.
I think i got my first booty call. it was like she came to my house. sex. leave.
Congratulations. Welcome to the wonderful world of quick dirty secret sexy time.
thanks... i think. haha
May have told my history professor I wanted him to stuff me like a turkey. Too slutty?
Nah, people appreciate the creativity of seasonal sluttiness. Let me know if it works!!!
Randomize
