hey. who tried to drive me home last night?
not sure. we got lost. what do you mean "tried"?
i'm still in their car. parked on the beach. no one else is here. i have on different pants.
It was kinda bitchy last night when i brought up my pregnancy scare and you said "shotty playing with it"
He wants to call Lloyd's of London and have my mouth insured.
Also, do you think you think his dick is perfect bc you loved him? Or is it actually perfect?
You call it a hangover, I call it a baby squirrel burrowing its way out of my head.
This message brought to you by inappropriate slogans. Cotton candy, melting in your mouth like boners.
Because nothing screams stable like yelling at a guy in a bar because last time you hooked up he stole your underwear.
I mean, that's eating your cake and fucking it too.
A man just sang Jennifer Lopez to me out his car window. I am not sure how I feel about this, but it is not positively.
Stop studying come to the bar get drunk and help me figure out how to get home pretend there are commas in there someplace
So I can officially say that someone has licked whipped cream off my nipples. Go senior year
I'm not wearing pants, but I'm wearing a tiara.
Do you ever just admire your boobs?
drunk boyfriend and drunk me are NOT meant for each other
is it sad that the highlight of my saturday night was waiting till 3 in the morning to hear about your saturday night?
Randomize
