Uggggg i want to leave and get bombed over baghdad
I got three cases. When they asked for id I said it was suspended for drunk driving.
so Mike and I made a deal. we'd do anal if he would help me pick out carpet tomorrow.
What...you let him do that?
It wasnt that bad. the two minutes it took is nothing compared to the 10 hr day I have planned for him tomorrow
Dude that musta been some handjob last night. The sound of her pandora bracelet kept waking me up
Walked into the bar with my burrito and ordered a round of shots for everyone. Not sure if I want to look at the credit card statement.
Look you found him on craigslist. You should be happy that he at least HAS a normal looking dick.
He pulled out, and the resulting cumstain on my sheets is in the shape of a fetus. The irony of this is both awesome and terrifying.
Whenever you get off. By "pick me up from work" I mean, "pick me up from a bar by work at your earliest convenience" :)
Finally smoked with my brothers, I feel like I just won gold at the Best Older Brother Ever Olympics
I've started brushing my teeth at 6pm, because honestly alcohol is the only thing I consume after that
I don't know what to do with my life other than going on Reddit and watching porn.
It's like "hey I give your roommate blowjobs twice a week, want to connect on LinkedIn?"
She told me she loves wine, but hates the mud butt the next day. Dude, way to much info on a second date.
Pooled our money and rented a bouncy castle for the day. Get over here now. Bring vodka.
I just put on the jeans I was wearing last night and pulled 4 baby carrots out of my back pocket....
Randomize
