I'm at this poker game and this kid to my left is bragging about all the chicks he hits including a "playboy model" when all of a sudden this 22 guy looks him in the eye and says "ever fuck a 70 woman. The things they can and are willing to do" Next think the whole table is quiet for an hour. That guys my hero...
At least it earned you a couple drinks. And something tells me you've touched grosser things with less incentive.
She handed me her tooth and asked me to hold it so she could swim.
There are six slides. In going to pee in five of them. You have to guess which one to go down. Agree?
Agreed.
Tried to ride the mechanical bull pants less, got punched for making out with some lesbians wife, and you tipped the bartender with a can of skoal.
I regret nothing
We got kicked out of Walmart for playing cod with squirt guns of course it was better then prom.
he ate me out like 4 times and told me that my vagina "was too much fun".
How can other people our age be acting like adults when I'm still taking my birth control pill with left over gin and tonic from the night before?
She asked me to dress as captain planet for halloween and told me she was gonna suck the pollution out of my dick.
I accused him of not drinking enough alcohol and eating tacos after midnight. I was sober and he's not a gremlin. I would say bad.
I'm at the back whiskey bar with a 7 and 7 in a winnie the pooh costume. Come find me.
Omg she's a human wrecking ball. I love it.
I am to reach this level of casual destruction.
dont know if she was trying to start a lawnmower or jerk me off. still wasnt to bad though
But I thought it was so funny last night
You also thought you were a gypsy mermaid last night
I woke up thinking it was Friday. I was disappointed (to say the least). I am pretty sure I have gained the quarantine fifteen (but I won’t know until I try to put something other than elastic-waisted shorts on). And I am probably going to need dentures because I am grinding my teeth so much. But hey--this is temporary, right?
Randomize
