He came in the heat vent in my car. Don't ask how it happened.
I just realized I used lady gaga lyrics in my research paper on marie antoinette
it's like i need an invisible sign across my boobs that says "DOESN'T HAVE DADDY ISSUES" that only old men can see
RIP Summer 2010. God knows it had to be one of us..
After the concert, I paid a cab to drive me around the city so I could shout "dc highfive!" at everyone who passed for an hour and a half.
I need to get my pants from under your porch. People are asking questions.
No he didn't understand the sequence...then I started texting him these texts with vagina strategically spelt correctly in jumbles of letters.
I'm taking tokes in the bath tub, come if you want, I'm naked and you have to bring chicken nuggets or else you can't come in
Friend as in 'I used to have sex with her' or friend as in 'I still want to have sex with her'?
Exactly man. Who needs doctors when you have vodka and hot knives.
He just turned down phone sex for hockey and I'm so relieved I'm fucking a straight guy that I'm barely even mad
I hate that I still want him to look at me as the vagina that got away.
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
Its 6:30pm and dad just drunk called me asking me what the alarm code at home is..... I'm at home, and dad isn't here.....
My penis is lonely
So is my ring finger
Randomize
