I mean roof. it goes up. its important day. you should recongziw it.
You're drunk. Make complete sentences.
It's not luke its my birthday or anything. Mike, understand.
I need to stop coming to work sober
sleeping like a two year old who chased ambien with a bottle of whiskey.
I can't go out tonight I need to save my money for important things.....like rogaine and ecstasy.
So I'll spare the details, but I think I discovered I'm lactose intolerant. In my sleep. And you'll be needing new sheets.
Saw my boss's vagina at that party. Hung over at work has never been more acceptable
Tell your friends I said hi and that if they touch your penis I'll cut off their hands.
Yep. How's your hangover?
It's like I fucked its sister and it's getting back at me.
You passed out with your mouth on the faucet, straddling the keg, with your arms wrapped around it
I just fell in love with a beard, the guy it's attached to isn't great but I think I'm going to take one for the team
They had like literally all the dildos. It looked like a seance for dick. I left the apartment and haven't been back.
I just set my messenger to Away so I could run downstairs to masturbate. Working from home is the BEST
Is it awkward to pay for your boob job with scholarship money? Either way, it's happening.
If I end up in the hospital remind me to order jimmy johns.
Why?
They deliver.
Fuuuuuck dude, he’s got #Excel in his Facebook bio; I’m screaming
Randomize
