Why do guys in porn never have boxers on?
better question: why do you always text me when you're watching porn
I woke up to a topless girl handing me a blunt. Candidate for greatest wake-up ever?
It just sucks seeing everyone get flowers but me...
yeah, but they die. it takes a while, but they die. just like all of these kids relationships will. tequila doesnt die. its a live in the moment thing... like a valentines day one night stand. so long run, tequila is the better gift.
he puked in his toast at dennys. after snoopdogg high fived him. couldn't be prouder to be his bro in law.
the guy in the stall next to me, came in, farted, laughed, and proceeded to give himself some sort of hillbilly pep talk that included the phrase "big pussy".
I want a grilled cheese and an IV
Crumbling up chips, putting them in salsa, eating with spoon. New level of stoner fatassery. Its so genius/delicous i'm not even ashamed
first time i ever mailed panties back to a fuck buddy. what better of a way to say its over
Yeah, nothing like barfing into a grocery bag you just put dog shit into.
Can't decide if it was more awkward buying sheets together or disposing of them afterwards
Ok. You have started something that can only end with a picture of the inside of my butthole. It may happen today or next year, but it's on my agenda.
you just won the triple crown of sex! your prize is more sex.
Not sure, she said after cussing out the dentist they called security. Make that the first person I know 86'ed by a dentist.
we went book shopping, so yes this relationship is going to be about more than sex
that may or may not have been my penis.
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