you asked the guy at 7-11 if he remembered when you came in and threw news paper every where... then you did it again
I hate nights where "I found my underwear" can be considered a victory.
So basically i got outta bed and started peeing on the a/c unit..when my roommate tried to stop me i looked at him and said "i got this"
have the fact that the early bird is danced upon by the prettiest strippers be your motivation
I lost my keys but found four buffalo wings in my pockets
I was in my bathroom taking a shit and my mom just opened the door, walked in, handed me a fudgesicle, and left without saying a word. Yeah. That just happened.
sleeping in bed with your booty calls married sister...you're the stuff heroes are made of.
I've fucked 6 of my brothers' friends. I'm completely fine with him fucking the girl we ate lunch with.
There's nothing like telling your girl to hold your pants while peeing on your neighbors door
The fuck-me-pumps were hot, the XL hoody kinda ruined it.
I'm sorry, that really sucks. I'm in the bath eating lasagna and if anyone comes in here it's going to be bad news for them
the cop said "drunk and disorderly" like it was a bad thing
It was probably the night you were half naked and trying to blow everybody, guy or girl.
this is me we're talking about here. You're going to have to be more specific than that.
Do you realize we were driving someone else’s car and I was holding the wheel while you were driving and sucking my dick. That’s NOT normal
The whole country is going to hell in a handbasket but I got a grade A fucking and don't particularly care.
Randomize
