I've come to the conclusion that if I was an old man, I would perve around in short gym shorts for kicks.
she just waddled down the stairs behind me and puked and kind of reached for me but i sped up. does that make me a bad person?
I realized as I was wesiging my engamemby ring that you'd never love me tha same. I have life plans and Sam showed them to me
What? You're not speaking real words.
woke up and her hair clip was clamped around my shaft
Three questions. How does a tomato drive a car, how does an asparagus play a guitar, and how am I still so high that I chose to watch Veggie Tales?
Sorry for punching you in the face last night. I should have known the boxing gloves were a bad idea from the start.
I'm a lady, I can't pee on the ceiling. Even I don't have that power.
He always takes home straight guys. He plays One Night Stand on Ledgendary Mode
Well, I made it thru a doorway, so I think things are going good.
Perfect. Let's do that. I'm thinking everclear and green dye as our base. We shud start from there
Your resume just got faxed, I also modified it a bit and sent it to strip clubs...expect weird phone calls...
One minute we were playing beer pong, and the next minute I was sprinting to my apartment with a watermelon. wtf happened in between?
i peed in the parking lot at work not even thinking, a woman saw
I feel like dick that good should always be within a five kilometre radius of me.
I mean, it's a romantic picture of pubes if I've ever seen one
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