i cvme to yuor rooom...wherer are youf?
please be gone before i get back
i just walked with a girl who was carrying a chair down the street. apparently she got mad at the bartender and took the bar stool when she left.
I want you to know that wearing office supplies as jewelry results in waking up with the wrong roommate. Also, strip clubs and vodka don't mix.
she was rubbing her elbow against the fish tank and laughing hysterically then she said I'M THEIR FISHY GOD and watched harry potter
I don't know what it is about vodka that make me ruin relationships.
It's not a good night until someone eats a bagel covered in face mask thinking it's cream cheese
It took him 5 seconds to cum and then he wanted to hold my hand all night
In a shocking revelation, I learned that the Easter Sunday shit show happened not because of vodka but because my gay neighbor drugged me.
just woke up under a car ? That's odd
Holy fucking shit
WAIT BUT IM WEARING A BACKPACK THAT MAGICALLY HAS 30 BEERS IN IT
Just so you know, classy bitches change the morning after in a CVS bathroom.
My heart is swelling with pride right now. I fucking love you.
So heartbroken my rebound has a rebound
I know, my friend Erin took me into the bathroom at work and poured pickle juice on me.
I don't fucking know. I'm out stimulating the economy. Not locked in a room with a marker board.
Oh at the liquor store again?
I'm pretty sure his cum gave me swimmer's ear.
I have no reason to put on pants anymore. This is my new reality.
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