I'm calling you out on twitter if you don't come over right now.
this girl is running around outside screaming, it's creaming on me! it's creaming on me. I totally have to find my video camera
I've grown up since last year. I don't give blow jobs as birthday presents anymore.
Its against the rules to not make you aware of his virgin situation prior to penetration
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Kayla got stiches in her face. Rode in an ambulance shotgun. Tried to steal a baby, thought it was mine
It's not slutty if it's for workout purposes...right?
I don't think my body can handle the alcohol I want to put in it anymore.
Just walked out of 7 11 still in uniform when 4 girls in bikinis in a convertable screamed "we fuck firefighters!"
Career choice validated
You told me to ditch them in the park, and when she jumped onto the car to stop us, you told me to scrape her off against a parked Jeep. That drunk.
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I hate vagina strikes, but I must not stray from my path. My boyfriend will know the true meaning of blue balls.
When a best friend shows up on a tricycle with a case a beer and goes "get on loser" you get on, because there is a magical adventure afoot
like, by the end of my shift people were asking if I'd sobered up enough to take a drink order yet. that bad.
don't take offense to this but at the strip club tonight I legit believed one girl was you. almost hopped on stage and freaked out at you. you're a beauty.
The only reason you haven't shit yourself yet is because you don't like having fun.
Every time I look at him 'Relax' by Frankie Goes to Hollywood plays in my head. Is that weird?
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