I am looking at the epitome of fake boobs right now
I found out that all you need to write a 12 page paper is adderall and twizzlers
he just used "boss" and "boner" in the same sentence. I cant respond.
That bitch makes my crazy look like a walk in the park with cotton candy
her 18 year old son fed me pieces of a french roll like a pigeon, as I lay on the floor of the bathroom crying.
Megan brought her friend up last night, greeted her by drunkedly taking a piss all over her duffle bag of clothing
Apparently I'm short enough to sit on his lap and fuck him while he is driving because the cop didn't notice.
Ill go to bed but tamed sharks isnt so much of a bad idea. Not for riding
My new successful method of booty calling is sending a screencap of a map with the shortest route from their location to mine highlighted.
apparently I got pissed off that no one would let me spray them with a bottle of champagne at midnight of the new year. so I sprayed myself with one shirtless in the near freezing cold outside
To show us how offended you were you took off the right foot of your pterodactyl suit and proceeded to attack us with it.
After 2 minutes he came and said, "thanks for everything". I can't wait to hear what he says next time when I do more than just lay there.
I jumped the fence at the bar last night. My dress got stuck and I ended up flashing the entire patio for a good 30 seconds.
At the 10 second mark everyone started to whistle and cheer. Free drinks all night
I think you threw up on me last night but i can't remember so i'm not mad at you.
I did not marry a roomba.
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