Oh shit. I just had to lure him into the bedroom so I could take the list of his negative qualities off the fridge so he wouldn't see.
Omg. Get me out of here. Someone is playing michelle branch.
i don't care what you say, the winery is open and 10am is NOT too early to go barrel tasting
It was literally me in an evening gown and him in a tux with six bottles of Vodka at Jons.
And this was for your brother's Christening?
We're lucky we aren't prostitutes by now. Whats the etiquette for returning a pair of heels with blood on them?
I really am. The stoner chick wants to get a python.
All I saw was a purple blob and poking out from under was part of a green shirt. Took me a minute to realize it was him under that beast.Thought I should ask if he was actually breathing and conscience but then I saw him slowly exploring what few brave men have done before.
Just got a blowjob from a coed in exchange for saving her an iPhone 5 when I get them in stock. Sometimes it's awesome to be a Verizon employee.
I mean, I Just Had Sex in 4 on her top 25 most played list. That's got to give you some indication
He has a burner phone just to send dick pics. It's revolutionary
I'm glad our friendship can withstand laughing mid-blowjob during the diarrhea scene in Dumb & Dumber.
BRING KITTENS I AM A GENIUS
Her mom came in and passed out drunk on the floor next to us while she was riding me, "it's all good, she does this all the time" is what she said
I love the barter system - he got laid and I got him to bring me some ibuprofen. A win-win really.
If I don't get struck by a lightning bolt from God by midnight it will be a Christmas miracle.
Randomize
