well,he told me "i bet you five bucks that i can right cum on the mirror with my cum" i said alright do it, lets just say he's five bucks richer...
PS: the photo I uploaded for this internship site is the same one i used for my fake ID. I like to keep it classy.
Don't take this the wrong way but I just mistook a trash can for you
He started crying and showing me pictures of his ex. she was really pretty. It's an honor to have shared a penis with her.
This is breast cancer awareness month... The least we can do is give a stripper some singles.
The melted ice in my drinks tonight is probably the most water I've had in like 3 days accumulated.
Our fuck buddy relationship took a turn for the worst after we were drunk and I punched him in the face when he asked for a three some with my best friend.
I think I should just accept my destiny that I'm going to be someone's second wife
My tits sealed my fate
Your children are clinging to me like my teets are full of bountiful milkiness. They're driving me nuts. I felt my uterus shrivel up.
He was too drunk, and my mother and I ended up babysitting him. He told her I have amazing mouth skills, and that I love the "chorizo" he feeds me. All she said was "And on the list of 30 things you never want to hear about your daughter..." while gripping the steering wheel.Please just fucking kill me now.
masturbating on the freeway is more stressful than it sounds
He fired me, I fucked his wife, we're even I think...
You just kinda wondered into the street and started screaming at dogs and small children...
You started yelling about vegans ruining the world. Because we drove past some cows eating grass.
I just threw up on the way to class. Legit, on the sidewalk by psych building.
THAT WAS YOU? Psych prof just pointed out the window and said "that kids, is why you don't pregame before class"
Randomize
