Dude I just picked up a married chick while her husband was playing pool.
What do you mean you picked her up? How are you gonna leave the bar?
I didn't. I fucked her in the men's room. Come get me before he finds out.
i was just lookin through my fb pics and i think im with a cat in like 40% of them..: how sad is my life
Best look from Detroit today: running across the street with your buttcheeks on display carrying a 40 oz. Or maybe being crazy-pregnant and screaming and slamming a pay phone. Toss up.
so I just asked a Chinese man and found out our tattoos actually mean vagina...
frozen peaches as icecubes. vodka Sundays just got wayyyy better
They need a stunt cock, be about 20 more minutes.
Returning my drunken purchases from last night. Not a single thing I bought was on sale.
I seriously want to say to him "Do you know how many blow jobs you could have gotten this summer?"
Did you take the bag w/your drugs & cookie cutter?
I made out with a mom and her daughter and got a black eye, so yeah, my birthday went well
Hello my rib-scented angel!
I figure blowing aggressively into a harmonica is better than screaming, "GET THE FUCK AWAY FROM ME YOU SOCIOPATHIC SUCCUBUS" to my sister, in the middle of an auditorium, during my mothers college graduation ceremony.
When I type "sleep" my phone suggests "with Trevor". My phones an asshole.
Pretty sure I got at least one girl to question her sexuality at the Christmas party last night
I feel like i'm being yelled at when you type in all caps.Did you just have bad sex?
Randomize
