Cop gave me a ticket for public drunkedness, and then I convinced him to drive me back to the party
By connection do you mean me drunkenly grinding my ass on his lap for an extended period of time? If so, then yes, we had a "connection"
but he used his one phone call to call mom and wish her happy mothers day, that's gotta count for somethin
Just saw the new iPhone. I would totally let Steve Jobs and Jon Ive eiffel tower me right now.
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I bought a police grade breathalyzer on ebay at 4:37 am. At least I'm a responsible drunk.
I consider myself an expert at getting drunk and embarrassing people at weddings.
my head hurts. i need an adult
and not like a cool parent adult. like a full fledged party pooper grandparent adult
so i guess now we know you can get away with peeing mere feet from the Capitol if you shout IM PREGNANT at the guards
Well two things you gotta know if you're gonna live here. your alcohol tolerance is gonna need to go up, and people do blow. Get used to it. Nobody is gonna pressure you into it. That shits expensive
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The worst part about getting "creative" and by that i mean baked is that i just wanna get laid right now and all im doing is eating nachos
She was a little hefty, so I turned on the strobe light in our room. Everything looks better with a strobe light.
whats our policy on dating high schoolers?
we dont have a policy but im pretty sure the state of michigan does
I think curling is the best thing to watch when you're baked.
i made out with his shirt. MDMA, man.
It's beautiful. It's what jesusxwants. I should send you a pic of my boobs out of friendship
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