So you maybe wanna hang out again? I could use the $5
Whatever I can do to help stimulate the economy
So i decided to deal with the awkwardness of last night by making out with all three of them
I had to puke in a pizza box on the drive home. People saw.
i just walked downstairs to find my brother wearing a crossingguards vest and boxers. when i asked him where he got it he just looked at me, smiled, and kept feeding the dog yogurt
If i evwr doyble fist jack daniels and smirnoff again, i hereby give you permission to take them both away grom me and give me and give me a glass of wat
Had a drag queen carry me to the car. So I'm told...
she's drunk at 2 in the afternoon again. at least my mother is predictable.
It's official, there's a sex tape of me floating around some high school
I shit you not ... they just advertised a recruiting service for strippers at this concert.
I had her buy me a cock ring, so we might test that out. We are presently playing yahtzee.
Cock rings and yahtzee. Like peanut butter and jelly.
He was awful. Hubby's was apparently epic. I suck at swinging.
When you sleep in the bathroom, you're no longer a guest.
I'm too pretty to go to jail. Especially in Louisiana.
What, That's like a total 7 inches of cock and 6 are from Joe. Don't be mad at me because you had the lamest orgy ever.
Dude, I just masturbated with my cat sleeping on my boobs....
You have GOT to get this crazy cat lady thing under control. I'm finding you a man. And you'll take him, and thank me. After that text, you have no right to be picky.
Randomize
