she likes to give head while listening to britney spears, getting blown by a girl with headphones on is a nice level of separation
Want to come to my BBQ and Blow party?
I just found out my boyfriend is cheating on me, please tell me Carl is a unisex name.
I found my phone outside under the leaves by the curb. What the fuck did I do last night
Coming to you live from the floor of my office..
First memory of my senior year: Going into registration still drunk from last night.
you showed up at my door at 3am, handed me a bag of cold chicken nuggets and said "lead me to the non-irish Siobhans," do YOU think you were tripping?
so apparently last weekend we taught the mascot how to shotgun beers. am i winning college yet?
He's super sweet. I feel like I'm dating Elmo. If Elmo had a 7 incher
So I just noticed that my last drunk google search before going to bed last night was "ghosts based on gays." I have no idea what that's supposed to mean
See I insist I'm not a groupie and then I say things like "will bang for a backstage pass".
On another note, I think my upstair neighbor is having sex. How awkward would it be if I showed up to her door with a bag of Chipotle?
i wish i could put you in a lil box, and keep you for when i need to be blown
Straight boys are literally imbeciles. If Darwinism doesn’t get them female rage will.
So my dad just asked, "did you leave without pants a lil bit ago?"
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