Dude.. I don’t care how hairy she is, you already left me at the bar, and now I have to find another fucking way home... NOW BE A MAN ABOUT IT!
oh my god. my mom just found my pipe. she thought it was a dildo.
like i said, there should be a sitcom about your family.
dude she has hot friends.. do you want blonde brunette or red head.. maybe asian?
what is this build-a-bear? .. just gimme one thats breathing
she said, "is it ok if I touch it?" that's when I knew I was in trouble... I knew she was a virgin but seriously..
The calves of my jeans are covered in jello shots from Sunday, how desperate do I have to be before I start licking them?
Is shaving my mustache contingent on you sleeping over tonight?
i just keep picturing us drunk surrounded by kittens.
Just sucked a bong hit straight from my girlfriends mouth & pretended I was a Dementor. Life just 87% more like HP.
Sounds like it could have been the night you pulled out your love stump at the strip club.
That sounds promising. I'm twerking to human nature.
I was doing karaoke to "baby got back" and apologizing for being white at the same time.
Judging by the ckaw marks on my back i'm gonna go out on a limb and say that blonde chick was a werewolf. A sexy, kinky werewolf.
It's one of those "I can't stand you but we're stuck in the same hotel room tonight so let's fuck until one of us passes out" kind of nights.
My mom purposely got me drunk so I can stay at her house bc "we don't spend enough time together." I blacked out anyway, so we didn't spend time together regardless.
I ripped ass in on and around her face during a hard 69. I don't think she'll ever call me again.
Randomize
