the last 2 times weve had drunk sex ive had to get the morning after pill.. he's turning into a real expensive fuck buddy.
I have fb friend requests from two random swedish brothers... Must have something to do with that hostel I stumbled into on mardi gras
We call it lazy sex. We just lay next to each other and help each other masturbate. that way we can both be on bottom.
i will trade you pizza and a blowjob for a fifth of vodka.
do i get to eat the pizza while you give me the blowjob?
you stumbled up the stairs in your heels, pulled 23 one-dollar bills out of your bra and then went and puked in the toilet. didnt say a single thing to me the whole time
The number of injuries I get impersonating Shakira while drunk is getting ridiculous. Sprained vagina, dude.
He wanted to drink hypnotic from my butt crack. I need to move out this state.
Did we pole dance in front of my boss last night or was it just me?
You think I'll get the "I used to stick it to your daughter" discount?
*tries to be fun and flirty* *literally gets peed on*
You probably shouldn't do that...but if you do take pictures
Make a note to pack something that won't catch shell casings in your cleavage
Either it didn’t do much damage or I’ve lost all feeling in my asshole
We blew shit up to. With a cannon.
as a lesbian i'd like to thank joe biden and also america for giving us this absolute MILF for a VP
Randomize
