It only happened twice. Once we used extra virgin olive oil and once I used saliva and brute force.
He was so confused why there was a string hanging out of my vagina.
I'm not high anymore, I decide when it's done.
Thanks for getting me home last night.
No worries. I'll always be there for you, just like Mufasa.
i hooked up with some kid with a broken arm and he wouldnt even let me sign his cast
Check that he is NOT ok. He just heated up SoCo and used it as syrup on his pancakes.
I have to take his virginity. It's what God put me on earth for. It's my life mission.
I mean I kinda plunged vagina first into my last relationship
If we don't have crazy animal sex tonight at least twice, I'll know he's cheating on me.
Who wouldn't want crazy animal sex with you?!
A cheater.
Obviously last night's theme was "Let's Make Bad Life Choices"
People are talking politics and I have had 9 mimosas
So i woke up this morning to find my boss passed out on my living room floor.. Awkward? Haha
My ex just brought my grandpa weed. Not sure how I feel about this.
well, i found him passed out on a picnic table two miles away with a lit cig in his hand...he had a rough night
I smell Vodka. It's me. If anyone asks it's totally hand sanitizer.
Randomize
