omg so im topless lying on my bed and i forgot my nail clippers are on my bed and i just leaned forward and the nail clipper closed. on my nipple. ouch
Question: terrible or awesome when a girl give you head so vigorously that you get a hickey of sorts
But, I don't have the body of a porn star, so nobody would hire me. Unless they're doing like a trip to the safari and they need an albino rhino
The fact that its 10am on a gameday and I have yet to shotgun is absurd
My gynecologist inadvertently complimented your penis.
He sent me a poorly photoshopped picture of his shaved dick wearing a Hot Dog on A Stick titled "Shorndog"...
He let me keep my Michael Jordan Bulls jersey on during sex.
I just instagramed a picture of an ostrich in case you were wondering what I did with my night
She proceeded to flip everyone off then open a Heineken with her teeth.
They were assless. I wore assless football pants.
Ryan. I woke up. At the neighbors house. And by the neighbors. I mean the ones to the north. The ones that hate us. Please call me. I am so confused and you are gone
At the neighbors house?! Like in it or outside???
In it on the fucking couch. No idea how i got here.
I'm laying in bed cuddling with my teddy bear and eating waffles. I need a fucking boyfriend
All I’ve had today is sex and water. I think it’s time for tacos.
I'm having to shit out rocks
Went to waffle house after dropping my sister off at school and got into a heated argument with a drunk/hungover philosophy professor I will not name. I won the argument.
Randomize
