i don't know her name but she is cooking me brkfst then helpin me find my car.
she hot?
i don't wanna talk about it
: I need to find myself a plastic surgeon husband so i can get boobs.
but u need boobs to get one in the first place.
btw ... thanks for not giving me up as the craigslist killer
i owe you one
thanks for snagging those panties for me
I have to collect my sorority sisters from greek row... I hate how being dd is a night and morning job
Technically this isn't a church so we could have been drinking this whole time.
We have a drunk bartender with her nips a quarter inch from bein out buying us shots. GET HERE.
You just said the magic words
I just had a boat ride of shame. With Senior Citizens.
Is this a genuine concern or are you just high?
JUST BECAUSE I'M HIGH DOESN'T MEAN ITS NOT GENUINE CONCERN.
im actually so stoned and hungover i feel like a bag of jello stuffed into a human shape
Quick how do you hit on a guy in the car behind you? It's important.
He peed my bed and tried to say it was just the wine. The red wine. On white sheets. He's not a good liar.
We just won 1800 at the casino and are going to the strip club. Who gives a fuck if it's 5pm
you weren't there so I had to flirt with him on your behalf
WHERE THE FUCK'S MY FUCKING RITALIN YOU FUCKING FASCIST?????
Please remind me tomorrow that I ate a loaf of jimmy johns bread on the toilet 5 mins ago
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