Oh. My. God. Best non-relationship, he-might-be-cheating-on-his-boyfriend-but-I-can't-tell-because-of-the-language-barrier sex EVER!
We tried having a conversation with our noses.
he said he got tested two months ago... he goes with his whole family.
plus shes a stripper, ive been with strippers, if you fuck this up your penis will never forgive you
I have your dog in a headlock. Se wants my mushrooms.
Remember when we made you finish your beer after you puked into your glass?
i hate being the asshole.
Last I saw him was around 10 this morning. He was passed out on the porch with his head under the barbeque cover and there were cups of orange juice around him as well as loose tobacco spread everywhere. Good luck getting a hold of him.
Dude, I found out having naked people in your car is a felony.. Now were all fucked.
Grandma can hear your bong from the living room, please be more quiet. Love mom.
Aaaaand now he just flexed his muscles at me and said "I'm a fucking eagle!"
I'm still, like... really stoked about not having any STDs
He totally just went there for sex cuz he slept in her roommates bed the rest of the night after they were done...
pure definition of booty call.
Hey. Did I get punched in the face last night?
Yeah. I told you I would and you didn't believe me.
I'm at the drive thru window, five minutes out. If the bathtub is empty or you're dressed when I arrive I'm not sharing.
I want to get drunk and watch somebody else's tragedy.
Randomize
