let's just say, the carpet matched the drapes. in colour and length.
i just heard one Asian kid say to another, "i bet if i could get into Harvard i could get laid all the time, my brother lost his virginity the first night there."
I made my rape whistle into a roach clip device. FRESHMAN YEAR!
why is there an outline of nathan's body on my wall in whip cream?
Saw someone get laid in the bathroom no one was wearing shoes and I had a parrot on my shoulder...I never want to leave this bar
Man, only now that I'm single is it painfully obvious that I have zero booty calls in waiting. This could be a cold winter
I was high and he had on a gorilla suit. Of course I had to take a picture with him
Your a disgrace to smokers everywhere
He came up behind me making dolphin noises in my ear when I noticed a collection of hors d'ouevres from the reception earlier in his jacket pocket
I will never doubt you again...he IS perfect for you
No if my life depended on you fingering me just let me die
They said I was more of a mess than the German. I have achieved the unachievable, you may bow down to me
Molly was fun. I was in a captain planet onesie in Wal-Mart talking to everyone haha
George Washington did not fight for our freedom just to have people shit themselves all night
This week I fucked a police officer and called both the Senators from the state I'm in and the one I'm moving to. What have you done since the election?
I asked you why you bought a sword and you then replied with the greek alphabet and then tried to assure me that samurais are apart of greek life.
All I want is to get shitfaced and fuck random strangers is that really to much to ask?
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