My roommate and I had a nyquil contest. The nyquil won.
On imdb the canadians say It's amazing
Dude, I would hit that so hard that whoever could pull me out would become the king of England
New major. Tourism Management. I dont know what it is but it sounds like something all the stupid slutty failed business management majors do.
It's like a bag of dicks covered in taint sweat pounding a pregnant baby walrus.
My date just wheeled me home in a shopping cart but it was normal
We could make it cute. Like "oh those two cute lesbians who are about five foot two who sell the cocaine down the street. You know the ones? With the Yorkies?"
But once you explained how to fill cupcakes with semen I realize you were harmless and right on my level.
Some guy I've never met before just came outside and started rolling a blunt on our fence and passed it around to all six of us. At eight in the morning. Today's gonna be weird.
You can't just be this socially awkward and sexually frustrated and jealous as a fucking demon and be expected to stay sober.
It's no shave November. This is our time.
he just ran into my room in his giant penis costume yelling "supercock to the rescue"... I am still in total shock
I'm super depressed and stressed and I just want spaghetti and sex...
Why did I not realize how important my fridge was till I was drunk. It keeps all my food cold its like my own cold box
I would throw a dart into the Olympic ceremony and fuck whoever it hit
Randomize
