I woke up this morning to 4 booty call texts. So i am trying to find the sign that says i like to sit on cocks so that i can take it off.
trust me, i wonder where that sign is on a daily basis.
Your favorite bartender is back from prision
Go for the frenulum. Its like eating a popsicle. They go nuts with that shit.
he urdandictionary'ed 'tease' on his phone and made me read through all the definitions. Am i really that bad?
You slept in the bed with him... with your top off.... and just made out with him....
Getting stoned and going to costco. If i'm not back by dawn, you know what to do.
forgot a fork. i am eating fettucini alfredo with a comb that i rinsed off the the bathroom sink. eating alone in my car. life doesn't get any sadder than this
Frozen pudding on a popsicle stick. Bill Cosby would be so proud of drunk me.
Unless you consider jello shots food the answer is no there is no dinner here. When u get food get more wine too tired of you coming over drinking all my booze and destroying my vagina
Just had a flashback of dry humping a man lying in the street while Jim (dressed as santa) screams 'HAVE YOU BEEN A GOOD BOY?!'
Had a booty call cancel on me tonight. Said he hurt his back. So this is what single and 30-something is like. Suck.
You were literally hanging out the window and dancing to the remix to Ignition when we drove you home
I am stoned, not wearing a bra, and a woman. There is no way in fuck I am getting on a fucking bus.
Just had a threesome with a married couple.
Stop living my dream.
i havent showered for 4 days and i just made my dog smell my arm pit. also, im stoned.
Yes I went home with her last night. I woke up this morning and ran into my boss on the way to the bathroom. Monday is going to suck at work.
Randomize