there's paper in my vomit.
Awesome. My fame will spread to DC... As will the herpes.
We snorted a line of cocaine and xanax, and then played a game of Backgammon. It was surprisingly therapeutic.
I've ID'd the nipple biter.
So awkward... The newspaper lady just caught me sitting stoned in my driveway at 5 am and asked if I was okay. I'm way better than ok right now
Ive waited a long time for a girl with prescriptions like yours.
Woke up fully clothed in bed sleeping on my purse.....we're back!!!
MAYDAY. glass in foot, have crush on guy with mullet.life is over.
Woke up to my asscrack filled with melted Reese's Pieces. Halloween parties are so weird here man
Just so you know my hand is still healing from where you drunkenly clawed me last Saturday
My life is a video game called get the drunk princess back to her castle, thank you to all that participated
So do you want to be the old guy picking up a girl in a mini skirt who may be slightly buzzed before noon from college, or shall i walk over?
He made me choke him and call him Papi..so all in all a good night.
She showed up after 3 hours and proceded to make us all feel like resonable human beings. I dont know how she did it but she did it.
The last thing I remember is trying to chug the rest of the everclear, running through a fence, and laying down in the snow. I hurt.
Randomize
