So I'm playing pool in my cowboy boots and some guy came up looks at my boots and goes, "you should've got the boots with the fur"
there is nothing more satisfying than playing sudoku while pooping
There's a girl in here wearing a kaballah bracelet and a miley Cyrus tshirt. consider her judged.
He proposed that we "bone". I've completely given up on boys.
I will now attempt to shave my public hair into a Christmas tree.
All I remember is doing a naked tuck and roll of your bed.
And this is the part where I need you not to judge me. Remember that I have never seen a penis do that and that I have a weird sexual curiosity
May or may not have just lost a contact hanging out Anthony's sunroof. Drunk. Hint: I can only see out of one eye right now.
He started humming whilst eating me out. At first it was weird, but my new motto is now don't knock it before you've cum from it
i only stock magnum condoms so if the guy i bring home doesn't fit in them he only gets to eat me out. no exceptions.
I masterbated to the rocky theme song. I'm pretty sure that just beat any sex experience I've ever had.
This medicine is making me nuts. I just woke up and I thought I was in a glass case with Asians staring at me.
So i just remembered that thing i use to do with your butt because of shark week.
Oh and he asked if I would occasionally still blow him if we had children. It was so romantic.
i walked into her house and she introduced me to her family. i dont think she understands the term booty call
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