$35 all you can drink last night. Friend 1 woke up in a hotel lounge, friend 2 pissed himself and woke up wearing friend 1's spare pants, and my toilet indicates I threw up extensively.
Afterwards she curled up in my dog's bed and slept there all night
How mad was your dog?
Why is there a living, breathing cow on your front porch?
I took chris brown's side in the conversation ... cut to me not getting laid tonight
fter the third song from an iPod commercial played I realized how much that frat sucked.
hey bro how do you do that fake vagina thing with the tp roll? im bored.
i want to major in coloring with an emphasis on crayons.
so finals studying is going well?
Drunk sex destroyed my coffee table... ikea this weekend?
we were walking and you spelled the word "oats" to prove you weren't drunk.
We're playing fucking games. GAMES. THIS IS BULL SHIT. IM GOING TO THROW UP ON THE BABIES AND LEAVE.
Walking in to my alcoholic Assessment meeting with a black eye = 40% awkward 60% awesome
i am willing to donate my body to this science experiment when it means free blowjobs
I'm eating tortillas right now. Like not cooked tortillas. Someone is playing the guitar. Man with bandana.
Plus my dignity needs a night alone with me.... Oh that's right. I lost it last night
I HAVE A TEST I'M SORRY YOUR UN SUCKED DICK ISN'T MY FIRST CONCERN
Randomize
