Just whacked off in the middle of writing a paper, gave me great ideas. Note, should do this more often.
So I gave him a handjob and now we aren't friends anymore
You're at Notre Dame. What did you expect?
He's like Medusa, you can't look directly into his eyes or you'll turn into a slut.
You know we had a good night last night when today I opened up my Google Translate application and the language is set to Persian and the phrase to translate is "I want you to suck my dick".
It's ok that you're screwing someone else while trying to get back with me, I'm banging three girls while I ignore you.
P.S. It's common courtesy to let the girl your banging know if she's about to walk into the same place your girlfriend is at so she can get her poker face ready
It was a perpetual wrestle for who got to be on bottom. Laziest hookup ever.
We had sex in the bathroom. Good sex. Toilet breaking sex.
Also I fell in love w a girl dressed as a pirate that was great at doing the limbo
You remember the guy they called Meat in high school? Well, let's just say my vagina remembers him now.
all we have is white fucking wine this is a travesty it's christmas not a fucking funeral
I think "we've never met sober" is a great relationship to have with someone
Hey babe! Random question. Do you by chance have the pic of my nipples covered with ninja turtles band aids? Thanks.
Once the overwhelming "oh god my crotch is on fire" wears off, that excite stuff is really nice
We'd like to invite you to our threesome! Lingerie is encouraged and drinks will be provided. Next Friday, roommate night, my bedroom. Hope to see you there!
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