His vagina is bleeding blood all over the court
i thought i deleted your number from my phone...Wtf
She said as long as i don't wake her up she doesn't care what hole i use.
Got yourself a keeper right there.
I only knew it was midnight because i got happy new years texts while i puked outside
Just got roadhead in a driving snowstorm. That shit should be a Winter X games event.
I haven't gone out since the baby was born. If I don't get arrested, in a fight, or both I'm going to be super pissed.
He's getting Easter eggs filled with weed or Jell-O shots for his birthday
My dream date: Hotdogs/nachos from the bar & tequila. Is that too much to ask?
I put a bagel at the end of my bed so every time I want a bite I have to do a sit up
Holy shit my cat won't leave the lube alone
His phone started ringing when we were pulled over and he said 'hold on, this is most likely more important than you', proceeded to answer it and agree to work sunday, then hung up, looked at the cop and told him to continue.
I watched a compilation video today of a guy banging his sex doll to edm music. I just had to tell someone.
So you just held his hand and he fucking came...?
You're a brave, albeit stupid soul for wanting in on the fuckery that comes attached to my vagina
My life is far to together for someone who's such a hot mess inside
Randomize
