He had some BAD nuttage
Nuttage?
It's like cleavage......... but different
So I just found out that my mom and dad arent married
What? They have three kids?
Yep. And apparently I have a half brother. Happy Birthday to me
Something growled at me in your dark backyard last nt. Hoping it was my landwalking laser sharks and not Andy.
she did the YMCA with her lgs... i think she forgot she wasnt wearing any underwear
His little brother walked in on us. Six times.
Is it bad that I was more upset about not getting the perfume he told me he had bought for me then the actual breakup?
I told her I'd give her some of the cream I was using so she didn't get my warts. That's when I realized I was too drunk.
He got punched in the face, dropped his laptop down a flight of stairs, and broke his roommate's lava lamp, getting all the toxic lava goo everywhere. This is why we don't let him get drunk. And yet here we are.
I'm so eating pot-chocolate cookies while preggers. This kid will be so amazing.
His dick is hereby named Charles Dickens. Will's is less cerebral. I'd like to call it Pinnacle like the vodka we drank when we hooked up, but I feel like that's a compliment it doesn't deserve.
This number has temporarily been disconnected and will be restored to service once you get rid of you girlfriend.
I DON'T EVEN KNOW ONE MINUTE IM SITTING HER THE NEXT IM FLYING PASSED THE MOON
PISSING MYSELF IN ZERO GRAVITY
THOSE AIN'T STARS U SEE TONIGHT GURL
Everyone called me "Barf Vader".. And I lost your lightsaber.
She tried deep frying a banana by placing one, unpeeled, into a toaster.
It was get out of line and go pee and get no beef briskit. Or stay in line, pee my pants, but have beef briskit. I really wanted my beef briskit
Randomize
