When I woke up his cat was sleeping on my face and i had scratch marks on my neck. not happy.
only room for one pussy in that bed.
So the D.A.R.E. essay I helped my tutor kid write won an award. Oh the irony.
Id pretty much put it in anything at this point. Jello. Dogs. 12 year old boys
I hate babysitting girls whose boobs are bigger than mine.
It's like having an annoying little brother who wants to have sex with you
I will give you vagina for bag of have'a corn chips.
Also I got A jello shot for $2!!! It's like the forever 21 of bars
If we worried less about pouring champagne down stripper crack, we probably wouldn't skip so many meals.
Also, as my manager i'm going to put you in charge of making sure i don't drown.
That feeling when you're ready to convert to the religion of whatever god will stop the vomit. Dynamite is illegal.
I suppose what I've learned from this experience is that sometimes you just have to make out with a narcissistic baby daddy to make a clean getaway.
Ugh why can't people just be grateful for my penis
I re-seduced my fuck buddy...must be the luck of the Irish!
I fucked the midget version of a backstreet boy and I am not mad about it
& I came downstairs to find my whole family discussing the fact that I have a vibrator, which my mom found accidentally....
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