32 messages asking me to suck his dick. And there for a minute i thought i was desperate. ha!
Hahahaha
make that 40.
Banjos are just sex machines. Like lights to moths, banjos are to hipster bitches.
I don't call you at 3 in the morning to start a fucking relationship.
We've reached that awkward stage of the relationship where he's in love with me when he's drunk, but sober him is still afraid of commitment.
i didn't know falling asleep in the tbell line could get you a dui. Isn't everyone there stoned or drunk?
I realize now that I left my pants on that table in the downstairs bathroom at you house on Tuesday....
He tried to spell out "PROM?" in his cum on my stomach during sex. It was terrible
well did you say yes?
Jesus christmas you are like the Martha Stewart of threeway planning
I feel like I beer bonged a ton of asbestos
We had sex while watching the republican debate. I'm not sure how he maintained an erection watching Donald Trump speak.
How do you nicely stand up a date that you're skipping for a 3sum
IF YOU DIE ON LSD YOU DIE FOR REAL
Im going to the gym...covered in the Brazilians cum
And how is that different than any other weeknight in your world
Is she blowing you? I'm in the closet.
You threw up everything but your ovaries.
Randomize
