I think I have swimmer's ear. From his tongue.
i called my mom using *69 and said this was the principal and Matt has a snow a day today. she believed me.
she left out the fact that she had a kid until she told me not to suck on her tits too hard or milk would come out.
I taped Calvin and Kyles heads together face to face while they were passed out. You should have seen them stumbling around using hungover teamwork trying to find scissors.
i am way too old to be getting fingered at work
You slept with a red coat way too close to independence day. It's just very unpatriotic.
Who invented hangovers? And why did I make out with him and eat an entire can of chilli mixed with hot fries while screaming "YOU ONLY GRADUATE ONCE" last night?
I see your smile in the face of every drunk that senses he's about to slay a troll.
GOD DAMMIT TARYN WHY DO WE ALWAYS HAVE TO ROB PLACES IN OUR FUTURE PLANS?!
he's like a horny 3rd grader on cocaine. he needs a leash
I was fed cake in bed and then was pinned down and ridden till I came. And then fed more cake. I'm going to marry Brad. I'll put money on it.
You ask too many questions when I'm blowing you. You're like a dentist asking how my day has been during a cleaning.
I want a shirt that says, "I'm sorry for the things I said when it was Taco Tuesday"
Don't tell me you're on acid again
In celebration of finishing my homework, lets drink tea w/ vodka
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