Teenaged girls are God's best work and the Devil's best tool. Remember that my friend.
I'm gonna write a book, Things that go bump in the night: The story of Katelyn. Chapter one, my roommate is a dumb whore.
Only you could manage to look like a complete slut while wearing a turtle neck.
we have to get out to the bar earlier. all of the guys are already committed to the girls they're going home with.
He passed out on the floor and you kept hitting him in the dick and screaming "hammer of justice".
You know you stopped at a liquor store to prepare for a 12-year-old's birthday party, right?
He doesn't have any game.. I mean, his one move is forwarding chicks pictures of his penis.
I had very briefly met him a few years ago. My friend was tired of hearing us both complain about being horny. She figured she would fuck two birds with one stone.
Favorite thing said to me in 2012: It's like you have two tongues!
Were you keeping a list?
It was like something out of a fucked up fairy tale. He just crowdsurfed over to her while riding a keg, said "come sail with me", and then the crowd carried them off into the night. What.
He said he looked out his window and I was sitting in the grass with blood everywhere talking to a dog.
i woke up this morning put my hand under the pillow and there was a banana there
I think my brain has decided it's boycotting life until it can do whatever it wants.
He wanted to watch a Charlie Brown thanksgiving. But I was like, fuck that, I'm a grown up. So we watched jumanji and I sucked his dick.
It's 2016 and I am a strong independent woman who just wants someone not weird to touch my butt, dammit
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