I don't apprectiate you insinuating that my breasts have a sort of bremuda triangle effect
we were having sex and the sweat made her make up run... seriously laid there and watched her face just melt into ugly.
Also, our mothers are placing bets on which of us will get pregnant first.
I always know the weekend is over when the real license comes out and the fake goes back into the hiding spot.
I never kept track of who else he slept with. You think I have the time or the energy to keep track of every dick in my life?
Let's just say that watching the sunrise in a space helmet is really the only way to do it.
Fake an illness. Her and her friends are like the female version of guys who wear tapout shirts
I feel like passing out with my foot on your face has bonded us at a very fundamental level.
When I took off my jeans he became more excited about my Elmo underwear than sex but to be fair, who can blame him. They're awesome undies.
Never thought I would be taunted by little kids about my walk of shame
Best ethics paper a stoner could write. I called my professor Dr. Superfly Arandia. And I'm pretty sure I used "respect the hustle" somewhere in there too.
You're about wine.
Yes, I'm like 90% wine at the moment
I am rewearing my dress from last night. I only wore it for like two hours before fucking. And I took it off first so no cock contact. This is my new standard of cleanliness.
the bouncer just handed me a Starbucks bag of pound cake
I just realized now that I slept with him while he was still wearing the maid costume... I've reached a new level of sexual freakness.
Randomize
