I cant. I'm trying to smell my vagina.
is it sad that i think every plant i pass on the highway looks like a plant from farmville?
So I had a Liz Lemon moment today....went to Chipotle to get my "cheer me up" burrito bowl for the 4th time this week and the chipotle guy sighed and said always the same huh?
It doesn't matter if he doesn't speak English because I speak the international language of blowies.
i perioded on his leg
on. his. leg.
dude she was givin me head and stops and looks up at me and tells me she loves me, then goes ''alright now cum in my mouth''.... pretty sure shes the one
You think they'd ask my permission before turning Pajamarama into an orgy. I saw too many of my friends dicks at once the door got kicked down.
I could be wrong, but im pretty sure i jumped off the roof after my lighter.
don't judge, it's breakfast wine Wednesday.
I'm sorry I murdered your sperm with my alcohol saturated Olympic uterus.
Hate is such a strong word! I prefer to think that you strongly dislike me due to the honesty I show towards your routine shortcomings of success in life.
She makes him look at her naked pics before she sends them to someone she's actually going to fuck. I think this makes him mayor of the friend zone.
please tell me he didn't just scream 'i am the yiff lord' at the cops
Are you missing a tooth after last night? Because I found one in my coat pocket...along with what smells like dried jäger and a package of deer jerky.
Uh not that I recall.
Oh wait nvm. It's mine. Yeup, definitely my tooth.
I am real keen for none of this to be taken out of context so let’s just shut it down right now
Randomize
