And my dad told him he was a great looking guy. and then added "no homo" after.
I'm pretty sure the new "vibrating mascara" is just a disguised dildo for those of us who are too ashamed to purchase a real one.
Well, at least their eye lashes will look good while they masturbate shamefully.
I dont think that drinking by ourselves on a saturday night counts as being "fun alcoholics"
I think she's a little more wasted than usual. She just crawled on the floor to tell mom it was time to take a shot.
How do I tactfully ask if the neighbors downstairs can hear me beating it?
He said he loved me so I pretended not to hear it because I don't think "I love your penis" was the response he was looking for.
I should have taken pre-gaming this lunch date more seriously.
I was desperately holding on to my sandwich while we had sex.
This wedding is gonna be a disaster. I already had to turn down one of the groomsmen who offered me $100 to sleep with him next wknd.
Too low?
Yes.
The US State Dept doesn't need to know I'm a high strung drunken whore.
Carson kissed me on my cold sore before I could stop him so I think I gave my kid herpes. Mom of the year. Just call me MOTY.
Hey! Where are you? It's Irrisponsible Patio time and you're not here firing shots down summer student's throats
For not really liking Christmas, I have an astounding amount of holiday-themed lingerie
I woke up with what appeared to be LSD in my pocket. Know anything about this?
Why are you drunk at the library?
Why not?
Randomize
