So #1 way to come back last night and #2 wishbone and I broke into his house and i opened joey's door and u were both passed out and pantless.
She wanted to test if her costume allows her to still have sex in it. It does
LMAO!!! just remembered you said this to me last night. "sometimes you post too many Jesus tweets. It's not that that's really bad... But I roll my eyes and you should know that."
I was drunk but it's true
I hope as the only other living being in this apartment you can explain to me why the toilet was full of cheerios this morning.
This guy legit just tried to LSAT formal logic his way into my pants. Contrapositives and everything.
why is there cat hair all over my deoderant?
she wanted to smell more freshershest than you.
PS- I just stirred my mimosa with a slice of bacon
Just for future questioning, I didnt break up with you over text
You were so excited to be getting 4 tickets to the Whale Rodeo.... That high
Yes ma'am. At least you're a warning story I can tell to my kids in the future
How big of a disservice to the economy would we be doing if we didn't drink every day holiday break?
I said that I'm avoiding parties and guys, and the freshman girl just laughed
He said we were going to get fucked up in the woods so here we are
ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME! I SAID I WANTED SOMEONE CLASSY AND INSTEAD YOU SET ME UP WITH A GUY THAT JUST TOLD ME HIS FAVORITE PLACE TO FUCK IS ON HIS SWAMPBOAT “THE SLAMHOG!”
I DON’T WANT TO FUCK IN A SWAMP
First of all, his AIR boat is named “Slam Hog” not “The Slamhog.” Second, it’s top of the line. Third, don’t dismiss swamp sex before you try it!
His penis is average but his stamina is amazing!!! I didn’t know I had that many orgasms in my body!!!!
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