I can't find my pants or my car
I didn't even hookup I think I took them off at taco bell...
ha omg I always lose my dignity at taco bell as well... so no big deal.
If it was for sex do you really think i would asking for a mass vote? I'm like fidel castro when it comes to sex. No public approval needed.
Ran into him today. He apologized via facebook. sometimes I hate our generation
I just found all of my Mary-Kate and Ashley movies. Can you say drinking game?
Getting sheets for college, what is the thread count that shows the least amount of cumstains?
630.
she's throwing a head of lettuce everywhere shouting HEADS UP and trying to get us to play catch with her. i'm scared.
Went to anytime fitness at 3:34 am drunk after the the bar and getting whataburger. Lifted weights with my cheeseburger between my knees. That's called DEDICATION.
Im about to embark on a date with someone who shit in my car. How did this become my life?
Listen. You seriously only live once... there aren't that many cinco de mayos left until someone knocks u up and u have to have a shotgun wedding. Man up.
She gave me what I will now dub a "hurricane sandy". Loud, wet and sloppy BJ that made me want to stay home and complain about shit on the Internet
This is three metal detector wands away from being the strangest porn I have ever been in the audience for.
Can't decide if this guy is hot or if I'm just bored.
Sex is clearly the solution either way.
I'm terrified that I'm going to have a baby with a guy who posts snapchat stories while ignoring my texts
Turns out he's just a recently divorced IT guy. Not a wizard.
I feel like a dancer trapped in the body of a math instructor. Love, Mom
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