i dont have any money that hasnt already been designated for cigarettes and birth control
he just tried to lick my eyebrow. thats the deal breaker.
Her boobs were tiny. I could have used her bra as a blind fold. Which in hindsight would have made things a lot better.
I opened a jar of Ragu so I could use it as a cup. You tell me how it's going.
Asking the cop for directions wearing a lion mask may not have been my best moment...
You emptied out your taco and asked the lady for a refill...and then you continued to carry out a full conversation SCREAMING
Apparently it is impossible to get kicked out of taco bell....I'll try harder next time
I don't want to tell anyone! People who sleep with senators either end up in porn or guantanamo
Fell asleep naked on the recliner spooning with my organic chemistry book. The fact that I made it through four years of college is proof that the education system is fucked.
I wish so many great beards were not attached to even greater jerks. All that face sitting potential wasted. Some of the greatest tragedies of this century.
I mean...he danced with his dick still inside of me. What more could a girl ask for?
i pushed adam in a shopping cart for 15 blocks, then we realized we left tyler downtown
did you go back and get him?
nah we went to a karaoke bar instead, so worth it
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
We need to get walkie talkies for when we're drunk so if we are at different parties or lost we can talk
You is single now. The world is your ass buffet.
Passed out in someones front yard last night. Got woke u?p by a lady walking her dog at 6am. Rock bottom.
Randomize
