dude do u know what u did last night?
do i wanna know???
you totally walked in on some couple fuckin in their unlocked dorm room asking for directions to ur room...
yo dibs on the gosselin haired one.
dude she was givin me head and stops and looks up at me and tells me she loves me, then goes ''alright now cum in my mouth''.... pretty sure shes the one
Thank GOD those kids were having a lemonade stand, I didn't have anything to wash down my plan b with.
he broke into my appartment and left me a waffle maker...
You took a bar mat shot.
Sorry you called when I was puking in a cheetos bag
Dude your neighbors are having a garage sale. They were judging me as I walk of shamed back to my car.
She thinks I should try and corrupt him and take his virginity. While I do love virgins, I'm a little too lazy to put in the corruption effort right now. That's a summer kinda job.
Where are you? I hear fireworks and you've gone missing. I'm sure that is not coincidence.
Wikipedia just saved you three hours and $30 on a bar tab. You should donate.
$5. Donated.
There were 7 of us cowering in the kitchen because you were swinging a giant, pink double headed dildo around like a nunchuk and hitting anyone who came near you with it.
Wait, but now I'm curious. In what position were y'all when the cops came? Were you guys butt ass naked in the car? 😂😂
Never thought I’d use my computer science degree for teledildonics, but here I am
Go ahead without me. This chick is buying me drinks and just found out her husband is cheating on her. I think I just found the next level of revenge fucking: Scorned Trophy Wife Sex
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