I'm wearing a childsize birthday hat and a bib. I am the def of sex appeal rite now
Most of the time people just stick whatever they want in my mouth. Thanks for letting me decide this time
his recent searches consisted of "World record for not bathing" and "Miley Cyrus vs Taylor Swift". Not even i am that desperate.
"reccomended dose" hasn't been in my vocabulary for quite some time.
I want to tell you about my weekend in person so I can see your look of judgement and disgust.
You kept asking who was the good cop and who was the bad cop, you said you only wanted to talk to the good one
I do. There's a bald headed guy whose kinda hot. I might rub his head. I've only had 2 beers
We're about to have a bottle rocket fight on jetskis. You have 5 minutes to get on our level.
We spent a good 10 minutes in the morning looking for my clothes. I ended up taking the bus home in my 6inch heels and his baggy t-shirt. The bus was filled with kids... one of them whistled at me.
My dad wants to dress like mitt Romney tomorrow night and tell trick or treaters they owe him candy.
Officially conquered sex on my couch with my dad asleep in the next room
I like how you say "conquered" as if that was your sole mission in life
I think this bruise on my arm is actually an impression of your face
He was the only one not on Xanax so he holds the key to what actually happened last night
The secret to finals week is to have an orgasm for every point you need on the test before you take it.
Chasing shots with airborne.. Gonna get rid of my sickness and my soberness.
Randomize
