but why does your life always sound like the plot of a porn?
Problem: At home sick with a stomach virus. Solution: smoke weed all day...
He is the Donovan McNabb of stuff up his ass. Tell me that tomorrow. Too high to remember.
Mass texted booty calls to all the guys I've hooked up with this year to commemorate the end of the semester.
Memorial weekend is going to be amazeballs. Jungle juice, drunk guys, and my vagina being stimulated by the vibrations of a 4 wheeler. I mean there is no way that can go wrong.
I wore a leash I'll tell you about it later I had a fantastic time
It was worse than that time I did shots of BBQ sauce and pierced my own ear with a thumbtack
Shrimp lo Mein doused in green apple Smirnoff is a rare delicacy only a few get to experience..guess I should consider myself lucky
Im coming down to miami this weekend
We shall drink from the everclear river
My usual answer of have sex with it doesn't work in this situation
You are going to come home to a suitcase in the fridge. Just go with it.
By the way I can not feel my vagina. It's like it's asleep. What the hell did you do?
Found like seven bruises in the shower. One was shaped like a hand. Best. Sex. Ever.
i think if a sober person was watching us they would have not thought we were witty
Last night you were throwing up in my toilet singing "all by myself."
Randomize
