she asked if i had a condom...i said yes...when we finished it wasnt on...told her it was at home on my dresser.
Im so hungover that my 6 year old cousine made me aspirine and coffee out of playdoh...
Honestly, it was easier to just put it in my mouth than to deal with an awkward conversation.
I've gone to the bathroom 3 times. And forgot to pee. 3 times. Let's say we call it a night, I need to be found. I see a fish tank by the bar and some stairs.
You said, "can you make out with him for a little bit, I need a break."
And she was like "I wanted you all for myself, to love you, and treat you like gold."... See this is why I shouldn't fuck Italian chicks...
I'm afraid to text her because most of the time she just replies with "cockblock."
I just won't go as hard tonight. Four dollar ladies night drink or drown is not a good idea for me. I like to get my money's worth.
she puked as i came inside her. that has to mean something.
I'm going to make an art book filled with pics of me peeing in every bar bathroom I've ever been in. Dedicating it to you. You're welcome.
Nah, he's definitely here somewhere. Whether he survived the night or not is your problem, but I'm pretty sure he's around.
Lol I screamed "GOT AN ORDER OF VERSACE TACOS UP" and the whole kitchen was just like who the fuck is this kid
dude can you explain to me why i woke up on your sisters floor with moutain dew and chips everywhere
i dont know im at your house.
she just sent our roommates a message asking them for a parakeet. are you gonna call later?
i'll...probably just offer you drugs?
i'll...probably take them in all honesty
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