so the guy behind me in court for my DUI hearing got a DUI on a lawnmower at 1AM...he is my new hero
since i spend so many of my nights sleeping on the bathroom floor i think im going to remove all toiletries from under my sink and replace them with a pillow and blanket.
So how many shot glasses of coffee grounds make a pot?
I started making my dollar bills into rings for the strippers
Fuck at this point id do just about anything for 20 bucks
That has been your downfall in past encounters with 20 dollars bills
i admit it was a weird experience, but why regret what once made you cum
just cuz theres a goalie doesnt mean i cant commandeer the goal and become a way better goalie
How am I feeling this morning? Well, besides the fact that my vagina looks like a pair of giraffe's lips and I'm walking like an over-confident cowgirl, I'm fantastic. Thanks for your concern.
I lost all of my bathing suit tops.. This is both a success and a failure
I woke up with my name tag for work still on my shirt. It was a rough night.
I'm sorry you caught us fucking in your bathroom. If it makes you feel any better when I tried to put my pants back on I dropped them in the toilet.
I couldn't find any flowers so I brought her a cat.
Do you know anyone else that comes home with unexplainable injuries as many nights a week as we do?
HEY I WILL KIDNAP THE FUCK OUT OF YOUR PET GOAT
I got kicked out of the E.R. for saying "balls".
Randomize
