R you on birth control?
No, why?
...no reason
At least we don't have one night stands
True that. We sink our claws in our men.
Lady came into work yesterday. Full on stache and beard. I've never concentrated on making eye contact harder in my life.
She told you broke her computer after the little square in tetris wouldn't rotate for you...
You going to midnight mass? we need a dd
I wish guys would just cum water 'cause you don't have to worry about being pregnant and it'd be like a squirt gun fight
Would it be cruel if i sold xanax instead of adderall to freshman unfamiliar to the drug-taking profession?
every time i wear that dress i get kicked out of a bar.
Wow way to turn my death into an oppurtunity to get laid
I have got to stop making out with redheads. I need to sign my life over to my dad like Britney Spears.
Hey so I just want to get straight to the point it was me who ate the last cupcake and it was your sister who I fucked last nigt
Topenga is going to be back on TV. Finally my fantasy of her being a milf in junior high has come full circle.
He has fairy lights round his bed.. And played Jamie cullum when we had sex... Hes batting for the other team right?
Why did I wake up covered in glitter next to a half eaten cheeseburger?
He jerked off some dude with a slice of Wonder Bread.
The sports guy?
Yeah. They claimed the bread made it hetero
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