Why do girls always cry at the bar?
What's the point of going out if you're going to cry all night?
Are they having an exestensial crisis at the bar?
Then we started crawling around on the floor because we couldn't get up so decided to be tigers instead. Gotta love power hour.
you're the one who masterbates every night to the titanic soundtrack
suddenly, hermaphrodite night sounds like a really bad idea
one of the service guys here said i licked ranch off your face lastnight
Just drove through Taco Johns wearing a drug rug and no pants. When I rolled down my window, the girl paused for a minute before saying "um... 4.07"
Just promise me you wont die... or hook up with an old asian lady playing slots
Cant promise that last part. I won't die though
She hash-tagged my name. I think it's safe to say that she remembers our hookup.
Why did I wake up to grapes taped my ears ?
Sorry dude, we didn't want you to hear us. Seemed like a good idea at the time.
I'm going to sing sad and lonely Barbra Streisand songs at the top of my lungs if you don't get here soon
I blew past the Governor's motorcade going twice the speed limit and DIDN'T get a ticket. God wants me to get laid.
Pretty sure we're going to get a cease & desist notice from the Make A Wish Foundation, but until then...
i just got carded for condoms. wtf.....this is new. isnt safe sex a good thing?
Our entire day shift is on either molly or acid. I'm about to take two hits of the latter.
I woke up with a jacket; in it passport, hockey tickets, sunglasses, credit card, bank transactions
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