My grandmass entire neighborhood is over for dessert and i'm high as fuck...about to make a couple of freshman boys real uncomfortable
Freshman in high school? Just your type
I texted her sayin "I gotta brush my teethn then Im omw" maybe hint to do the same
I just heard a girl in all seriousness say, "I told him I'm not a stalker. I just really really want to talk to him."
He gave me an orgasm with his left hand...and he's right handed. Of course he's a keeper.
She just sent me videos of her blowing my little bro and my best friend... worst. ex. ever.
hes either a crazy bad problem or a crazy good orgasm. I just can't decide which one.
She saves ONE person's life while blacked out and now she's positive anything can be done "while fucking hammered"
It's like a squid of pain has attached to my head and it spreading it's whorey tentacles all over.
He ran over from the bar to give me more singles because the stripper was doing gymnastics on me. He is a really great friend, just probably not the best boyfriend.
Wellp yesterday was spent absurdly hungover and today was spent in planned parenthood so I hope that's not an indication of the year to come
I kinda got drunk and threw my debit card into a bonfire so I don't have any money at the moment lol.
I never thought that at some point in my life I would end up in the back of a cop car dressed as Pumba #HakunaMatata
i'm just really offended he didn't want to have breakup sex. like that was the only thing i was really looking forward to
My fucking earlobe is bruised what the hell
I'm about to play another round of who's panties are in my car.
Randomize
