is it really this hard to find a guy i can fuck and have a good time with who doesn't ask where things are going btwn us?
you sound like my dream girl
You know how I told you I don't have many naked pics? Apparently that changed last night.
You named all of the cocktail shrimps and then tackled a guy for "eating Henry"
It's kind of sad that your greatest accomplishment today is that you stood up and didn't fall down.
I've never had a better reason to do blow of a Pittsburgh strippers ass than to try and keep pace with my dad.
Just cause I'm shitfaced wasted every night waking up in random beds all over Manhattan does not mean I'm a mess.
Truth. Respect the hustle.
I THINK I JUST JOINED A GANG. PLEASE PICK ME UP.
You don't want any of I have. Seriously. Its 80 proof rum that was 8 bucks for a liter. I'm afraid
I'm sure your liver is writing out a will as we speak
My mom just gave me my fake back to buy her more wine.
Well, my eyeball is red and the rest of my eye is black. Oh the joys of drinking with u. PS- I laid in a pile of sawdust. it was ok at the time.
We're going to party like we don't have spanx on
I'm gonna write a song for the kids called "you're systematically killing your mother". In it I will explain that my recent hypertension and increase in smoking is due to them being dicks
The Adderall says yes, but my body says no.
So, I need to know. Why did you spraypaint your underwear gold?
I just woke up in a prom dress on your bathroom floor, yea I'm 32.
Randomize
