So tired and we had a cokehead in the salon today making us bleach her whole head because she thought it would let her pass her drug test for custody of her kid
Oh.My.God.
Right when I walked into the party my boyfriend stood up and yelled, "HEY TITS, GET ME A BEER!"
I don't care if its bassically 3rd world. A country without a drinking age is a country without a drinking age.
facebook friend requested him the morning after while he was still asleep in my bed, a whole new level of creeper even for me
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I've been living off of popsicles and broth.
All three women i have fucked in the past week are here in the same bar. Gameface, go.
Gonna go for any of them?
Thursday night girl, but friday is watching and tuesday is serving us.
I have just disproved the common belief that it is impossible to have mediocre sex in a fire truck.
The fire in my vagina flames on. Fucking terrible firefighter
Things I learned last night: 1. Bacardi 151 is a one-way ticket to the toilet, 2. It is possible for a human being to turn into Mount Vesuvius
When I die, I want you to spread my ashes at a Cracker Barrel.
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6 pack came off in the shower. Sharpie is not forever.
At a point I was just cumming dust last night
Okay, tomorrow we'll have a day of life-sorting and plasma-selling.
For me the most fucked up part of last night was that I know for a fact that you were sober. But your dancing was a close second.
Once again, marijuana saves me from going to jail
And then she proceeded to tell us that blowing your brother made her feel like part of the family. At this point you were still pretending to be a cat. Need I give another reason she can't live with us?
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