so my mom told me to suck on something if I have to cough. so I guess blow jobs are ok
some how when im high sleep beats hunger...its like how paper beats rock it doesnt make any fucking sense but it still happens
I just spiked the applesauce. Try to tell me again your party is better.
picked up a girl by parallel parking. i love this town already.
I had fun this weekend too. According to Web MD, my symptoms say I had a miscarriage.
On second thought, trying to signify she was a butter face by wiping my bagel on her cheek may not have been in my best of interests
He threw me a bud light and when I opened it he smacked it out of my hand because "Dave giveth, and Dave taketh away". WTF
oh, so if i go friday and she's there, you are going to be my sponsor for not banging the crazy chick
Remind me not to get naked underneath a tree I'm allergic to again.
Some days you just pee in a stairwell and go home.
Someone with the Instagram name "hymenbreaker" just liked a photo of me and my grandma. I feel ashamed.
We did hand stand push-ups while beer bonging. Its now a thing
I may or may not have puked in the ladies room. Now I get to convince my client to go to substance abuse treatment. Oh, the irony.
well that's what you get for sleeping with a guy called 'the defiler'
Dude you better come get your girl, she's sitting here eating a tub of pasta salad muttering to herself about gypsies.
Randomize
