I should have known there'd be issues when he included "beautiful soul" in our playlist
My roommate threw his shoe through our window and I came out of my blackout kicking holes in my wall. Pretty sure Edward 80 Hands won't be happening anymore.
Don't make this awkward for me. Don't let your mom come near the bathroom. I can't meet your mom for the first time while I'm shitting. Dont make this awkward.
I don't know how I got here... but I think I'm in a Christian Impact meeting... I'm trying to act as straight as possible. They can sense gay.
We found him in the neighbors shed using a bicycle as a blanket. We just left him there.
Passing out on a toilet is not classy no matter what you're wearing. Not even a pea coat.
Tim and I found you a 5ish and asked how you were doing with the breakup. All you said was "i can't words"
So, seriously. How does it feel to know that you're riding a cock that was in kindergarten when you were going to prom?
Want to go swimsuit shopping? First one who cries buys ice cream.
These cutoffs are too tight but my ass looks like Freedom
Is it sad that I planned a a romantic trip to dunkin donuts for and with myself on Saturday, then added an equally romantic after midnight stroll through the half off candy sale? I find that worthy of adding a few cats to my collection agree?
I just realized I wasn't at the party anymore. I was just sitting there with a vacuum.
he called me his ex's name during sex then proceeded to cry while still in me
What did we do last night and why in the fuck were there carrots in my pocket?
I used to shoot steroids in my ass but for a totally different reason
Randomize
