STUCK IN CAPS. WANA GET AFTER IT TOMORROW?
She made Precious look like a solid 6.5.
I went to check the drunk texts i sent last night but my phone deleted them already. Even my phone is ashamed.
She was so adorably desperate I didn't have the heart to tell her I wasn't a lesbian. So now She's making waffles, may switch teams over this.
Writing a love song to planned parenthood. what rhymes with "don't have AIDS"
My male hookup buddy is gonna meet my female hookup buddy, let the awkward hookup games begin!
We didn't have beer, so we played mini-beer pong with shots and frozen peas.
Evidently I told a girl she should leave the bar because no one wanted to fuck her.
I have no words
Neither did my mom, when she walked in on me squating with my balls in a cup of hot water.
There's a guy here who is improvising his own shadow dance on a table against the wall, in case you're wondering how my night is going
I woke up in a chipotle parking lot with an industrial sized box of condoms and a bag of dounut holes. I need Jesus
Bouncer came into the bathrooms to tell us the old one-person-per-stall rule, realised it was two girls banging, and left us to it. Lesbiperks.
I'm glad you found someone that both loves you and is cool doing coke off your tits. Proud of you.
Even though I'm gonna be a felon I'm having fun for time being.
My life is far to together for someone who's such a hot mess inside
Randomize
